Meming under duress

List 4 5 things that bug you - things that others may find trivial. Then tag 7 of your friends.

Since when do I need a goddamn meme to prompt me to do this? Okay, aadroma, I'll do it because you're so sweet I find it hard to deny you anything, but it dies here. I absolutely refuse to pass on chain letters of any kind.

1. Don't say "bruscetta" There is no such thing. The word is bruschetta. The h after the c tells you that it's still "hard" (i.e. /k/) even though it comes before a "soft" consonant. I know a lot of English-speakers pronounce the sch like in German, but though I try to be as descriptivist as possible, this is something I simply can't abide.
2. Don't mess with my braid I don't care how inviting it looks, don't yank, tug, twirl, or bat it about. What are you, some mutant hairless bipedial feline? You wouldn't tweak my nose without asking, would you, so why are you playing with my hair?
3. Don't block the way Sidewalks, corridors, stairways, etc. in public places usually accommodate two abreast; some allow for three or more. What is your reason for walking or standing so that I can't get past you without squeezing by or asking you to move? Being deep in conversation, either face-to-face or on the phone, is no damn excuse. Show some awareness of your surroundings and a little consideration for others, people!
4. Don't make fun of my stammer Ever since I was little, my mind has worked faster than my mouth. Now and again, this causes me to trip over my tongue. Just let it pass. I'll never understand what the hell imitating a stammer at that moment is supposed to be--acknowledgment of human weakness? Friendly teasing? I don't find it friendly; in fact, it pisses me off so much that I remember distinctly ever single time a good friend has done this to me and I still hold it against each of them.
5. Don't introduce me as "Dan" It's not my name. My given name has two syllables; my preferred nickname is "Da". The latter is fine for informal occasions, the former for formal. I don't care if someone spontaneously shortens my name to "Dan", but I don't want anyone telling them to call me that.

I feel so much better now. Thank you for not listening.

TERSE LINES FLUMMOX ME

Nothing can make me feel my parser is broken like a news headline. I sometimes wonder if my brain works so differently from that of the target reader that I'm the only who's baffled by journalists' stabs at brevity. Here's tonight's puzzler. Do me a favour and guess what it means before you check your answer at the BBC page where I found it.

Tube death team to brief family