Pep Talk

[muckefuck]

Friends, it's cold out there. Real cold. Butt ass freezing cold. Highs in the single digits, wind chills of -25. Fuckin' Siberian. Your nose hairs are frozen together, you can't feel your toes, your contacts are stuck to your corneas, and your testes have burrowed behind your solar plexus. On your way to work, you saw puffins migrating south. Your car's heater is broke, the bus window was stuck open, the tracks are so cold your train was a half-hour delayed.

Does that mean you're going to stamp your feet and bitch about it? LIKE HELL!

You've got your pride, your dignity. You're not some Arizona pantywaist who whinges whenever he can see his breath. You don't cry "Frostbite!" the moment an extremity goes numb or "Pneumonia!" at the first shiver. You don't lose your ability to drive in a half-inch of snow or break your leg on the first icy patch. You're tougher than that. You laugh into the snowstorm and fart into the howling wind.

You may be surrounded by these transplants and visitors mewling and kvetching in their Thinsulate® jackets and designer boots, but does that mean you weaken? Do their outraged protests arouse sympathetic clucks and tender commiserations? HELL NO! When the wind chill hits ludicrous, you tell 'em, "I go golfing in this kind of weather." Next time it sleets, you shake your head at the season's mildness. At most-- after the second half-foot of snow falls--you mutter, "Still ain't half as bad as '99."

Never forget who you are! Whether your were born here or not, you're Chicagoans, and that means something. It means that where winter's concerned, only Canadians and Siberians get bragging rights on you. It means that no matter how extreme, you bear it all with the stoic fortitude of your Upper Midwestern forebearers. Stand tall, be proud. Wear long underwear.

Comments

Re:

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

You know, everybody says that, but I remember as many clear, cold, painfully bright days like today as I do dreary, overcast nightmare days. Chicago averages only 94 overcast days all year and they can't all fall in the four months from Thankgiving to Easter.

Re:

[astrophysicat.livejournal.com]

Nah, just 20 or more in February.