Pep Talk

[muckefuck]

Friends, it's cold out there. Real cold. Butt ass freezing cold. Highs in the single digits, wind chills of -25. Fuckin' Siberian. Your nose hairs are frozen together, you can't feel your toes, your contacts are stuck to your corneas, and your testes have burrowed behind your solar plexus. On your way to work, you saw puffins migrating south. Your car's heater is broke, the bus window was stuck open, the tracks are so cold your train was a half-hour delayed.

Does that mean you're going to stamp your feet and bitch about it? LIKE HELL!

You've got your pride, your dignity. You're not some Arizona pantywaist who whinges whenever he can see his breath. You don't cry "Frostbite!" the moment an extremity goes numb or "Pneumonia!" at the first shiver. You don't lose your ability to drive in a half-inch of snow or break your leg on the first icy patch. You're tougher than that. You laugh into the snowstorm and fart into the howling wind.

You may be surrounded by these transplants and visitors mewling and kvetching in their Thinsulate® jackets and designer boots, but does that mean you weaken? Do their outraged protests arouse sympathetic clucks and tender commiserations? HELL NO! When the wind chill hits ludicrous, you tell 'em, "I go golfing in this kind of weather." Next time it sleets, you shake your head at the season's mildness. At most-- after the second half-foot of snow falls--you mutter, "Still ain't half as bad as '99."

Never forget who you are! Whether your were born here or not, you're Chicagoans, and that means something. It means that where winter's concerned, only Canadians and Siberians get bragging rights on you. It means that no matter how extreme, you bear it all with the stoic fortitude of your Upper Midwestern forebearers. Stand tall, be proud. Wear long underwear.

Comments

Hell yeah!

[febrile.livejournal.com]

Granted, I spent enough time in Oklahoma to qualify for pantywaist status, but I lived in Milwaukee before that, and I remember from those days of childhood the greatest lesson about dealing with butt-ass cold weather: the mantra, "It's not that cold."

That, and how five layers really does help quite a bit.

[go-wade-in.livejournal.com]

the only people who can legitimately complain about cold weather are those who have to work or stay outside.

Re:

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

PREACH IT, BRUTHA!

[madresal.livejournal.com]

Isn't it so pretty out though? Like a picture postcard.

A picture postcard in a meat locker, though.

Re:

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

I love the way the heavy, thick, cottony clouds of steam fill the skies about the exhaust vents and smokestacks.

[astrophysicat.livejournal.com]

Ha, Chicago doesn't even have snow. Anything less than 2 feet doesn't count as a storm. And anything less than 4 storms a winter is mild. Buffalo New York. Now they can complain (though not so much this year).

I, of course, sitting in my silk long underwear in Boston, can't complain at all, since here, while it may get cold, it's almost always sunny, not the dreary overcast for months at a time like it was back in Chicago.

Re:

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

You know, everybody says that, but I remember as many clear, cold, painfully bright days like today as I do dreary, overcast nightmare days. Chicago averages only 94 overcast days all year and they can't all fall in the four months from Thankgiving to Easter.

Re:

[astrophysicat.livejournal.com]

Nah, just 20 or more in February.

Re:

[cruiser.livejournal.com]

Buffalo can kiss my ass. My hometown, Oswego, New York, gets a third to half again as much snow as they do, and we get more wind, and it's colder. They are a bunch of pantywaist whiners.

When I was in Virginia Beach, I had a standard response to people who complained about how cold it was. I said, "Where I come from, we have a name for weather like this." When they asked what we called it, I said "October."

[mollpeartree.livejournal.com]

You can read Mary Schmich on what a bunch of whiner babies we are here. (Hint: involves interviewing North Dakotans).

[dilletante.livejournal.com]

way too many bostonians think it's great fun to go jogging in that kind of weather. or in snow up to the eyeballs. they're crazy out here.

that said, it's nice to see y'all getting the weather we had a few weeks ago, while we get (relative) warm. i feel for you.

[0595.livejournal.com]

For once, I agree with you completely, a whole 99.8%!

I hate those damn pantywaists always complaining!

Cold?

[vokzal.livejournal.com]

I am always amused when someone tries to call the weather in San Francisco cold.

It has happened often lately. So I point out the weather I was raking leaves in over Christmas in NJ... Sometimes they shut up.

Granted, it is cool enough year-round at night that I'm still not sure who comes here for the weather. Fools, I suppose.

[snowy-owlet.livejournal.com]

*I'm* cold.