Is that all you ever think about?

[muckefuck]

One of the discussions that grew out of a rollick Monday Morning Mini-Poll ended on this note:

As to whether fucking in general is boring, it depends on what you're talking about. I find pornography boring. I don't find actual sex-having boring at all. I've never actually watched two people have sex, and I like to think I wouldn't find it boring initially, because of the novelty. After a while, it would just be live pornography, hence dull. What exactly are you arguing here?

My flippant answer is, Who says I'm arguing anything and not simply shooting my mouth off again? But there must be a serious answer lurking in me somewhere.

I find sex like any other routine, life-sustaining activity. At times, you have the energy and creativity to spice it up, but often you settle for something basic that lives you merely contented. It's like eating. Most eating is boring; I'm not always counting chews until I can swallow, but there's a reason why the meals I detail in my journal stand out and that is a background of indifferent stir-fries, decent sandwiches, and salty instant soups.

Similarly, there are some really intense bouts of sexual activity that stand out in my mind, but they're just not an everyday thing. We have a well-stocked toy chest that we simply don't have the time, energy, and interest to make much use of--much as Monshu has a well-stocked kitchen that's mostly used to make simple pastas and reheat leftovers. I'm not counting teeth or thrusts, but my mind can wander. I mean, honestly, haven't you ever found yourself thinking, God, I hope he comes soon so I can go back to what I was doing?

Not that I'm complaining. Even merely adequate food gives you a pleasant feeling of being full, if only for a few hours. And I know he must be thinking the same thing from time to time, so I do my best not to show impatience (which, of course, only kills the mood for the other person and makes everything take even longer). Plus, cautionary tales about pushing the limits for the next new thrill abound. I find that confidence in the possibility of pushing the limits from time to time takes away much of my urge to actually do it.

I've also watched a fair amount of other people having sex and I don't know if the novelty hasn't completely worn off or if it actually is a little more interesting than pornography. With filmed sex--even something like HBO's Real Sex--people are conscious of playing to the camera and it lends the act an air of artificiality that I find off-putting. Not that people don't ever play to an audience in a group-sex situation, but it's easier for them to lose themselves in the act and you get to see the cuddling, false starts, curious reactions, and negotiation that are more intriguing than the straightforward ass-poundings that fill commercial porn. Plus, the illusion (or, in many situations, the actual possibility) you could join in is much stronger, which adds to the thrill.

Still, most of what these people actually do in terms of sex acts is nothing special. Oh, wow, another blow job! How outré! Add in the fact that they're likely driven to be more adventurous and acrobatic by the exceptional setting, and the obvious conclusion is that most of their sex--like most of their conversation, exercise, reading, work, etc.--is pretty ho-hum.

(Excuse me--I have to go beat off now.

Comments

Exhibitionistic self-analysis

[almeda.livejournal.com]

I sometimes enjoy watching porno movies.

I find many of the porno movies out there (and text-based stories, too, while I'm at it) completely and utterly uninteresting (and occasionally laughable).

In other words? I'm picky. I like some plot wrapped around the sex - any video or story that's effectively "Ok, here's this Hott Chik. I bang her ass. I make her suck my dirty cock. Her girlfriend comes in, and they play with each other while I bang them," is not going to get me to rent it. Neither is, "Here's a series of basic pistoning movements, with varying participants, one after the other, linked together only by boomchucka music and cheap dissolve cuts."

I admit, I do enjoy watching (small snippets of) simple hydraulic motion to get in the mood. But if I'm going to sit down and actually WATCH something, or jack off to it ('jilling off' is a stupid euphemism; I reclaim the original for my gender daily), it's got to have more to it than that. Now, I'm not demanding hollywood-quality plot. Really, I'm not. I'm demanding a level of plot that at least Ed Wood would recognize. "Here's a very, very silly framing idea (say, a car full of mixed doubles breaks down on the road just outside a Sekrit Sex Spa Commune) that has lots of built-in reasons for sex, and here's a bunch of people who hook up, and smilingly enjoy their own and other people's bodies in varied ways, without looking too self-consciously like people who are in a porno, and then move on to other sex acts in ways that noddingly acknowledge the framing story." THAT is a movie I'd rent. Why? Because it doesn't tempt me to fast-forward through the achingly ick parts between the pound-pound-pound. Because it gives me some reason to care about the sex.

Re: Exhibitionistic self-analysis

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

I've long lamented the gap between explicit "art films" and flat-out mechanical porn. I don't know what the limitations are--film censors, lack of good actors willing explicit sex who can also act, lack of a market--but I wish there were more films like In the realm of the senses where the sex is interesting and erotic and is happening between actual characters whose motivations and choices we actually care about. Hell, I'd settle for more films like Peter Greenaway's, that don't shy away from male full-frontal and don't pretty up the sex with gauzy dissolves and music-video editing.

I don't care whether it's high-brow porn films or pornographic art films that fill the gap as long as someone takes a shot a plugging it.

Re: Exhibitionistic self-analysis

[almeda.livejournal.com]

I actually found a lot of the Spike/Buffy sex in last season to be some of the hottest stuff I'd EVER seen (even if it was sometimes fairly apparent that, in fact, the actors' pants were still zipped up and they were dry-humping, though portraying Real Sex). Heck, they even showed James Marsters absolutely starkers, figleafed only by one bare thigh.

Re: Exhibitionistic self-analysis

[rollick.livejournal.com]

Man, James Marsters. I still think he's about the homeliest sex symbol I've ever seen.

'jilling off' is a stupid euphemism; I reclaim the original for my gender daily

Hm. I agree that "jilling off" is stupid, but I can't use "jacking" either. I think of that as a direct reference to the one-handed pumping motion most often depicted as the be-all and end-all of male masturbation, and there's just no female equivalent, in my mind. I don't see anything wrong with the term "masturbation," and I stick to that.

As to porn plots… I DO want Hollywood-level plots. That's a pretty low standard to set, most of the time. I want to have a reason to care about other people's pistoning.

To the degree that I find Buffy/Spike sexy (which is not very, because so many aspects of that relationship strike me as silly), it's because of their histories and their non-sexual interactions, and how those interactions shape the sex. The sex they have actually means something (usually a bad, self-destructive something), and that's what makes it interesting.

Re: Exhibitionistic self-analysis

[lhn.livejournal.com]

I don't know what the limitations are--film censors, lack of good actors willing explicit sex who can also act, lack of a market

I think the answer may be "all of the above". The failure of the NC-17 rating to win over theaters or video chains means that there's a huge incentive to push for the R if its possible. (On a somewhat related note, see the saga of "Coming Soon", a teen comedy with some sexual content but zero nudity, and its inability to get an R despite lots of back and forth between the director and the MPAA, because it was concentrating on girls' sexuality rather than boys'.)

Doing explicit sex, especially of the non-simulated sort, is dangerous to an actor's career (and even more so to an actress's), especially if it can't be passed off as dark and moody and arty. Most performers with ()(or hoping for) a "legitimate" career would want to be sure they weren't risking slipping into the porn world. And in any case, willingness and ability to have sex on camera doesn't seem to be evenly or widely distributed.

Even if those problems could be overcome, I don't know if the market would reward the effort. On the one hand, plenty of people have wished in my hearing for movies that didn't suddenly get coy to a greater or lesser extent at the bedroom door. On the other, people's tastes are fairly divergent, and it may be that the audience would want too many different things for it to be successful.

[prilicla.livejournal.com]

I don't care whether it's high-brow porn films or pornographic art films that fill the gap

A while back, lhn and I rented some Femme Productions movies, which are apparently trying to fill the gap from the high-brow porn end. They're aimed at straight women and couples, and they promise characters, plots, (relatively) high production values, etc. Unfortunately, both as movies and as porn, they're beyond pathetic.

The saddest disappointment was "Three Daughters," which initially sounded pretty promising. If I'm remembering it right, the movie was about the romantic adventures of a middle-aged couple and their three grown daughters--no, not their adventures with each other; the movie wasn't nearly that exciting. In fact, it was exactly the opposite of exciting, since a surprising amount of the running time was devoted to panning sloooowly over the wallpaper and the furniture in the family's home. ("We're paying for the location, Marge, and goldurnit, we're going to show the location! Give me another wallpaper shot!") And, oh, God, the wooden acting! And the boring dialogue!

The saddest thing about the movie was that they actually had one pretty decent plot idea that they managed to destroy completely with terrible execution. The youngest of the daughters was still a virgin, and she was deciding whether to have sex for the first time with this guy she really liked. Obviously, the idea was that their relationship would deepen over the course of the movie (cue the violins), and the movie would end with the big first-time sex scene. Naturally, since no one wanted to end up in jail, the script said she was 18, which was fine. Unfortunately, either they couldn't find a young-looking actress or (more likely) the people making the movie were uncomfortable with their own script, because the woman playing the part looked about 30. Even if she'd been a fabulous actor, she wouldn't have been able to carry it off.

The moral of the story, I guess, is that it's difficult to do this kind of thing well even when you're making the effort, and the porn industry (even the PC, crunchy-granola, women-produced porn industry) isn't really set up for it. On the other hand, I'm not exactly an expert in this area, so there may be all kinds of great stuff out there that I never heard of.