The most radical cell

[muckefuck]

Well after all that silly hand-wringing and fretting about my stepbrother's wedding, I lamed out and didn't even go. The causes were a tangle, but they stem from a conjunction of my housing situation, Nuphy's health emergency, monshu's disinterest, my piss-poor planning ability, and basically nothing turning out the way I thought it would when the idea was first proposed. I tried to reach my parents before they left to explain my reasoning, but I wasn't successful. bunj reported that Dad asked why I wasn't coming (I take it from this that he didn't feel comfortable asking for me), so apparently the move and the hospital care aren't explanation enough by themselves. I should get in touch with them soon and make sure there are no hard feelings.

I wish I could say there were none on my part, but I still am disappointed in how the whole thing played out. Whatever. Family is so much bullshit. You get these stupid expectations--from where? Books you read? Lifetime movies? Some congenital idea you carry around in your insect brain? And then people don't meet them--'cause really, how could they?--and you get all pissy. Like the fact that Mom never calls me. (I shouldn't say "Never". After all, she phoned me once so far this calendar year and once last year. That's more than a lot of people get.) If she were a friend, I would simply say, "Hey, psycho, how come you never call me?" or decided it was unimportant and forget about it. But because it's the woman who bore me, I carry it around inside me like a cold sore in the mouth.

I vented about some of this to Nuphy last night. He's always been remarkably receptive to hearing about my family. Perhaps the fact that my sister had just sent him flowers had softened him up. Or he just appreciated the distraction. Several times, I pointed out that he didn't have to listen to me bang on and he said (quite sincerely--I can tell with him) that, no, this was good. He's doing quite well and could be released as soon as next week--right about the time his Little Boy is due to drive back to college in the Northeast.

Comments

[snowy-owlet.livejournal.com]

Enh, I empathize. When I called my brother on his birthday, none of them could even be bothered to reach out an arm for the phone, so I only talked to him. They didn't call from the family reunion in VT, either, tho when I called there I had a lovely chat with both my aunt and my grandmother.

I realized that I get fed up when they call all the time and "make suggestions" that have nothing to do with any reality of my life. I also get fed up when they never bother to contact me. I felt a little silly, getting upset over both sides of the coin. Ultimately, I guess I'm just starting to realize that they're grownups just like me, and I have no control over them. All I can do is try to keep my head on straight.

I've tried the honest, "Hey psycho" thing, but it was a no go. They seem to like the dream world in which they live.

SO glad that Nuphy is doing better. He has been much on my mind.

And I'm really glad that you have bunj and E. nearby, and that they're sensible, fun family who are involved in your life. I think that's very cool.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

I happy to have them around, too, even if our relationships aren't exactly free of misunderstandings, miscommunications, and other sources of undesirable drama either. e.'s been especially gung ho on helping me with my move and my new place, just like she was when I moved to Lincoln Park. Between her and monshu, I might finally end up living like a grownup!

[mollpeartree.livejournal.com]

Be careful what you wish for. My mother calls me every week on Sunday at the same time, and if I'm not there when she calls, she THINKS I'M DEAD.

That's great news about Nuphy; it's amazing to think how much progress he must have made since the last time I saw him. Heal on, Nuphy!

[prilicla.livejournal.com]

Once a week or so sounds good to me. (Though preferably without the part about thinking you're dead if you're not in.) My mom would probably like to talk every single day and see each other at least once a week. For a while after I got married, she was constantly angry with me for being a terrible daughter who NEVER CALLED, when in fact we talked about once a week. Things have since calmed down on both sides, and we usually talk on the phone a few times a week, have dinner together once every few weeks, and see each other at various family functions.

For all of my whining about this, though, I have to admit that I'd be really upset if she only called once a year. I talk to my dentist more often than that!

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

I talk to her more often than that, since I'm a good son who calls (though not nearly once a week, like monshu) and there are the family functions, at least two a year. Of course, because of the long gaps, every call has to be at least two hours and only ends because one or both of us has a place to be or must get up early the next day.

[bunj.livejournal.com]

-e. talks to her mother just about every day, yesterday twice (mostly to discuss the blackout). If her mom doesn't hear from her for two days staight (assuming she knows we're not out of town) she calls to see if we're dead.

There are times when I wish my mother was so involved in my life, instead of not returning my calls (which does hurt a little, and makes me less eager to call in the first place). But it can get a bit much. Once a week or so seems a happy medium.

I know how lucky I am to have muckefuck nearby, soon to be closer. -e's sister and her husband also live only a mile from us, so that's pretty sweet, too.

[bunj.livejournal.com]

bunj reported that Dad asked why I wasn't coming (I take it from this that he didn't feel comfortable asking for me), so apparently the move and the hospital care aren't explanation enough by themselves.

It wasn't that they weren't explanations. It was more regret expressed as a question, along the lines of:

Concerned Father: "It's too bad muckefuck couldn't make it."

bunj: "Well, you know with the condo and everything..."

A lot of people asked about you, and seemed truly sorry you couldn't be there, including the Groom, Mrs. Dad, and our stepsister.