Aug. 13th, 2003 05:01 pm
The most radical cell
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
muckefuckWell after all that silly hand-wringing and fretting about my stepbrother's wedding, I lamed out and didn't even go. The causes were a tangle, but they stem from a conjunction of my housing situation, Nuphy's health emergency, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
monshu's disinterest, my piss-poor planning ability, and basically nothing turning out the way I thought it would when the idea was first proposed. I tried to reach my parents before they left to explain my reasoning, but I wasn't successful. bunj reported that Dad asked why I wasn't coming (I take it from this that he didn't feel comfortable asking for me), so apparently the move and the hospital care aren't explanation enough by themselves. I should get in touch with them soon and make sure there are no hard feelings.
I wish I could say there were none on my part, but I still am disappointed in how the whole thing played out. Whatever. Family is so much bullshit. You get these stupid expectations--from where? Books you read? Lifetime movies? Some congenital idea you carry around in your insect brain? And then people don't meet them--'cause really, how could they?--and you get all pissy. Like the fact that Mom never calls me. (I shouldn't say "Never". After all, she phoned me once so far this calendar year and once last year. That's more than a lot of people get.) If she were a friend, I would simply say, "Hey, psycho, how come you never call me?" or decided it was unimportant and forget about it. But because it's the woman who bore me, I carry it around inside me like a cold sore in the mouth.
I vented about some of this to Nuphy last night. He's always been remarkably receptive to hearing about my family. Perhaps the fact that my sister had just sent him flowers had softened him up. Or he just appreciated the distraction. Several times, I pointed out that he didn't have to listen to me bang on and he said (quite sincerely--I can tell with him) that, no, this was good. He's doing quite well and could be released as soon as next week--right about the time his Little Boy is due to drive back to college in the Northeast.
monshu's disinterest, my piss-poor planning ability, and basically nothing turning out the way I thought it would when the idea was first proposed. I tried to reach my parents before they left to explain my reasoning, but I wasn't successful. bunj reported that Dad asked why I wasn't coming (I take it from this that he didn't feel comfortable asking for me), so apparently the move and the hospital care aren't explanation enough by themselves. I should get in touch with them soon and make sure there are no hard feelings.I wish I could say there were none on my part, but I still am disappointed in how the whole thing played out. Whatever. Family is so much bullshit. You get these stupid expectations--from where? Books you read? Lifetime movies? Some congenital idea you carry around in your insect brain? And then people don't meet them--'cause really, how could they?--and you get all pissy. Like the fact that Mom never calls me. (I shouldn't say "Never". After all, she phoned me once so far this calendar year and once last year. That's more than a lot of people get.) If she were a friend, I would simply say, "Hey, psycho, how come you never call me?" or decided it was unimportant and forget about it. But because it's the woman who bore me, I carry it around inside me like a cold sore in the mouth.
I vented about some of this to Nuphy last night. He's always been remarkably receptive to hearing about my family. Perhaps the fact that my sister had just sent him flowers had softened him up. Or he just appreciated the distraction. Several times, I pointed out that he didn't have to listen to me bang on and he said (quite sincerely--I can tell with him) that, no, this was good. He's doing quite well and could be released as soon as next week--right about the time his Little Boy is due to drive back to college in the Northeast.