Passive-aggressive solutions to problems blown out of proportion

[muckefuck]

Remember back when I received that pre-invitation thing to my stepbrother's wedding and was all fretting about the fact that monshu never received one and his name wasn't on mine? Well, the real invitation arrived last night. And is monshu invited?

Yes and no. They used the "and Guest" formulation, which is as accepted in our lax modern society as it is disapproved of by the excruciatingly correct Miss Manners. I suppose I should have been relieved, but I wasn't. I was annoyed. They found the perfect way to frustrate my righteous indignation. If I ask why he wasn't invited, they can protest that "and Guest" was meant to include him. If I point out the incorrectness I'm (1) correcting their etiquette, which is way rude and (2) coming across as a total fuddy-duddy.

What does it matter, if--as I mentioned before--monshu has no intention of coming? For one, monshu was offended. He won't say he was, but I know how old-fashioned he is. When he didn't get an early warning in the mail, he took that as a sign that his presence wasn't particularly desired at their wedding. This invitation does nothing to allay that suspicion. For another, it's not like he's a total stranger to them. As I mentioned before, he slept in the same suite as my stepbrother and his fiancée for three days. She and him had a lovely conversation. We all ate several meals together. My stepbrother and I talked about our relationships. In all that time, they couldn't be bothered to learn his name? They couldn't ask my stepmom how to spell it? My stepsister has been dating someone less than a year; I think my stepbrother has met him twice. If her invitation is addressed to her "and Guest", I swear I will eat the damn envelope.

Now, when an acquaintance of mine who I hardly see, who's never even seen monshu, whose fiancée monshu and I have never met, recently invited me to his wedding using the "and Guest" formulation, it didn't bother me in the least--yet he felt so badly about not taking the trouble to learn the full name of my boyfriend in the flurry of wedding preparation that he sent me a very apologetic e-mail afterwards. Of the two weddings this summer, I know whose commitment I feel more like celebrating. Because that's what it's all about. Someone wants me to celebrate his public commitment to another person, yet he fails to acknowledge my public commitment to my boyfriend?

Maybe in a society that was more accepting of homosexual relationships, I'd be less touchy about this all. I hope so. It was no fun getting my panties in a bunch last night while I tried to sort out what my reaction should be.

Then I found a brilliant solution.

I will take the invitation at face value. monshu won't be there, so I'll invite a guest instead. I know just who to ask--Toschina, the opera-singing bear who lives in Berkeley. Damn, I hope he can make it! Having him along would be more fun than a monsoon wedding. And I can't wait to see my hosts puzzled faces as they try to figure out who the hell this guy they've never met before is. And heaven help them if they ask me "Where's monshu?"

I'll just stare back at them guilelessly and, in my most innocent voice, ask, "Oh, you wanted him to come?"

Comments

[snowy-owlet.livejournal.com]

You are my hero.