Posed

[muckefuck]

Pics are up! (Not safe for work? You better believe it!)

In honour of which I present:

What will happen when you finally have your photo session with bitterlawngnome

• He will not have sex with you during the shoot. I would've thought this was a no-brainer--after all, if you come to see me at my work, I'm not about to bring you off while cataloging a DVD. But I mention it because apparently more than one subject has shown up needing to be talked out of this misconception. (After the shoot is a different story altogether. As is, for all I know, before.)
• He will take your suggestions seriously. Before the shutter opens, he will want to know your ideas. And he will keep responding to them the whole time it's flying. It doesn't even matter how flippantly they're delivered--if you make some crack about having close-ups of your dogs for your foot fetishist friends on Facebook, then by dad you will end up with beautiful photos of your filthy feet suitable for iconising there.
• He will not tell you to smile. I know why this is due to past discussions in his LJ, but I was still taken aback by how little direction I got on facial expressions. All I recall is hearing, "Serious face" three or four times when I was smirking over some smart remark and "Close your eyes" a couple times more. This is an issue for me, because I seem to have very little idea what my expression is most of the time. I've had people tell me I looked as if I were about to murder them when really I was only trying to recall whether I'd met them before or not. Though after three hours of contortions and freezes, I know I was looking daggers of death at him. And perhaps that was deliberate because those turned out to be some of the best photos.
• You will be sore afterwards. Unless your yoga practice is fairly advanced, he will put you into some positions you have never been in before and certainly haven't held long enough for someone to take a dozen snaps. I prepared with a laughably inadequate slight extension of my daily stretching routine. "No one believes I'm a sadist," he told me. After only a few minutes, I needed no further convincing. (I took some consolation in the fact that he adopted some fairly demanding postures himself in order to get the angles he wanted. Some, mind you, not much.)
• Yes, that floor is really really cold. quemadmodum warned us all about this and it's as true in May as it is in September; my sympathy for those photographed in the half of the year when the sun doesn't shine on Toronto is now boundless. He says he hopes to have this remedied at the new studio in Vancouver. Let's all pray that it is!

Also, he's right about how easily the paint washes off. danthered allowed me to come over to his office afterwards to scrub down, but we actually got almost all of it off at the studio with just a little cold water. And this despite the fact that (as he said when first struggling to fix a word I'd smudged by looking down) "Dude, you stain!"

Comments

[tekalynn.livejournal.com]

You photograph well. *fans self*

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

That's what he said!