Take Manhattan--please!

[muckefuck]

Because everyone loves the terminological questions:

One of the women out with us tonight is an event planner, so I asked her for an English equivalent to Stehtisch. (Yes, I know LEO et al. suggest "bistro table" and "bar table", but I couldn't accept that these were the only alternatives.) She told us that if you're calling a catering firm or similar you ask for "highboys". So there ya go.

She took us to an amateur drag show fundraiser (four words that should fill anyone with terror) at Hydrate. There were actually some parts that weren't godawful, but I pretty much had my fill of gay white male privilege by the third number. The lowest point, however, took place an hour before the shemales had even taken the stage, when I tried to redeem one of my drink coupons. I asked for a manhattan. The guy told me,

"We don't have the sweet composite that goes into one here."

"I'm sorry, what? The sweetness comes from the sweet vermouth and the cherry juice."

I explained this again. He consulted his screen once more, filled a lowball glass with ice, and dumped in about a tablespoon of maraschino cherry juice from the garnish tray. Then he poured in a shot of vodka.

"Excuse me, what are you doing with the vodka? I wanted a manhattan!"

"Isn't it made with vodka?"

"It's a BOURBON drink."

Kittens, y'all know I'm no newcomer to the bar scene. I realise full well that it's biceps rather than bartending skills that land you behind the counter at a queer pub. Consequently I've pared down my list of requests to those that pretty much even the blondest boys can handle (although, as we've seen, not the lipstickiest lesbians). This has got to be the first time I've actually ordered from someone too incompetent to make a manhattan with directions ten inches from his face.

Suddenly it's all too clear why I haven't darkened their door in ten years. When I mused about giving the other pretty boy a try, monshu advised me that he couldn't be bothered to turn his attention away from his own friends long enough to pour a drink. In desperation, I wended my way to the front bar.

"Can you make me I manhattan?"

He paused. "If you don't know what goes in one, just tell me up front," I warned him.

He did after all, and while it wasn't great, it was at least acceptable. Still, what the fucking fuck? I guess all I can say, vodka boy, is I hope your boss is getting great head.

Comments

[danbearnyc.livejournal.com]

St Louis, a city of Northern charm, Southern efficiency, and some strange confusion about what goes into a Manhattan. It's RYE, Schaeztchen, not bourbon. R - Y - E.

Class dismissed as mother really needs a cocktail now!

[lhn.livejournal.com]

Rye was probably the original, but bourbon's been kicking around Manhattans long enough to have been naturalized, I think. Besides, this bartender was so far away from the target that 20/20 eyesight couldn't distinguish a Manhattan from a Rob Roy at that distance.

I checked cocktaildb to see if there are any drinks with vodka and sweet vermouth. In its thousands of entries, I turned up exactly one: a cooler that also included lemon juice and sugar, whose quality I can't vouch for. I'm not sure if there's a less likely pairing, (at least among spirits widely known in the US by 1960 or so).

[itchwoot.livejournal.com]

According to the International Bartenders Association, there isn't even cherry juice in it, just a cherry.
http://www.iba-world.org/english/cocktails/man.php

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

The IBA can lick my nads if they think they can put a maraschino cherry into a drink without putting cherry juice in with it. Extra cherry juice for a sweeter touch is a standard variation, one any competent and conscientious bartender will offer you up front when you order the drink and one I happen to prefer.

[lhn.livejournal.com]

And so prescriptivism and descriptivism face off in yet another arena. Which! Will! Win?!? :-)

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

Raw incompetence will defeat them both; its creativity is boundless, as is its ubiquity.

[itchwoot.livejournal.com]

Two generations from now, some angry customer is going to yell at a bartender for not knowing that a Manhattan is made with vodka. ;)

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

Two generations from now they won't even stock whiskey in bars any more!

[lhn.livejournal.com]

When it first moved beyond local distribution, Smirnoff vodka was advertised in some markets as "Smirnoff White Whiskey". So a modicum of historical research circa 2070 will be all that's needed to establish that vodka was what was meant by the obscure "whiskey" in that Manhattan recipe googlebinged for the tendroid.

[richardthinks.livejournal.com]

ow. I think "sweet composite" would have put me off their whole mixed drink menu right there.