WotD: hockey puck

[muckefuck]

Time for another collaborative effort!

Leavening is a fickle mistress. Sometimes it works beautifully and sometimes it doesn't, leaving you with bricks instead of bread. In American English, when someone bakes small round leavened items such as biscuits which fail to rise, they are generally likened to "hockey pucks". Of course, ice hockey is not a game played in most of the year, so other languages and cultures must have their own terms for inedibly hard baked goods. What are yours?

Comments

[areia.livejournal.com]

Can't think of a specific word for when the baked goods are round, but in general I would say they were zo hard/zwaar als een baksteen, hard/heavy as a brick.

In English I'd never call them a hockey puck. I picked up using the word doorstop somewhere in my travels. Not sure if that's from Mr. Areia's Yankee roots or a British expression, but that's what I call it when baking bread morphs into making zwieback.

[itchwoot.livejournal.com]

I'd probably just call them steinhart or something similar. No noun for comparison comes to mind.

[anicca-anicca.livejournal.com]

I agree. Typical thing to say, though, would be "da kannste einen mit totschlagen".

[jhvilas.livejournal.com]

What's wrong with "a rock"?

[richardthinks.livejournal.com]

In England "rock cakes" are the archetypal baker's disaster, and the source of a lot of music-hall humour (although well-made ones are really good). I guess that's not quite what you were looking for, but I don't think there's a generic term there comparable to "hockey puck."

Round our way, "doorstop" refers to an excessively large or thick slice of bread, not a hard one. As mock-Thai gastropubs have squeezed out "pub grub," some establishments have taken to serving a hyped-up authentickized version of the latter, which is why it's now customary to get a doorstop (of aggressively hearty wholegrain bread) with your ploughman's.

[fainic-thu-fein.livejournal.com]

Is cuimhneach liom bríce a chloisteáil uair nó dhó.

[innerdoggie.livejournal.com]

The biscuits in the Army
They say they're mighty fine.
One rolled off the table
And killed a friend of mine

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

They say that in the Army
The coffee is so fine;
It looks like oily water
And it tastes like turpentine!

[innerdoggie.livejournal.com]

The boots in the Army
They say they're mighty fine.
You ask for size 11
They give you 49.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

They say that in the Army
The women are so fine--
Half are over ninety
The rest are under nine!

[tekalynn.livejournal.com]

Ohhhhh, I don't want no more of army life!
Gee, Ma, I wanna go
But they won't let me go
Gee, Ma
I wanna go ho-o-ome!

[innerdoggie.livejournal.com]

Brava/o!

[tisoi.livejournal.com]

I asked my mom what they say in Tagalog.. And she was joking around and said "Kasingtigas ng titi ni Kolas?" / "As hard as (Ni)cholas's penis?" Yes, she's weird. She opted for simply "it's like a rock" - "para namang bato"

[gorkabear.livejournal.com]

"Duro como una piedra" - and that's all :)

I can't think of a Catalan version

[richardthinks.livejournal.com]

ANZAC Biscuits made using today's recipe are also carried by hikers (bush-bashers/bushwalkers) as a food of last resort

found (wikipedia, natch) while searching for that army song.

[innerdoggie.livejournal.com]

Those actually look like they'd taste good. Maybe I'll try making some. Is it OK for us USA-ans to substitute blackstrap for the Golden Syrup, or should I substitute maple syrup?

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

Blackstrap is way darker and more bitter than golden syrup. IIRC, the closest equivalent in the USA is dark corn syrup.

[innerdoggie.livejournal.com]

That's what I figgered, but Kayro is boooooorrrrrring. I'll use maple.

[richardthinks.livejournal.com]

I'd be inclined to substitute corn syrup or honey - blackstrap probably won't be sweet enough. Maple might be delicious, but it would certainly be different. Alternatively, you could make your own golden syrup by boiling up sugar with a bit of lemon juice... there's recipes somewhere out there for it. If you're making a small quantity you could probably even leap right in from this wikipedia summary:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inverted_sugar_syrup#Making_invert_sugar

disclaimer: I have not tried this myself.

[innerdoggie.livejournal.com]

Hmm, maybe honey would be a good idea.