Customary liar

[muckefuck]

Last week, I mailed a piece of Korean chocolate to joliecanard in Canada. When the time came to fill out the customs declaration, however, I wrote "Chinese toy". I can't help it; it's an ingrained habit by now.

It didn't always used to be this way. During my first trip to Europe, I collected a sheep's skull while hiking in the Yorkshire Dales over spring break. When I mailed it to myself in order to avoid having to carry it around with me throughout France and Spain, I cheekily labeled it "DEAD ANIMAL PRODUCT". This did nothing to impede its progress through the post.

But then on my return to the States, a US customs official pointed to a paper bag in my hand and asked, "What's this?" "My lunch," I replied and was sent to the USDA representative. When he discovered that the sandwich in my possession contained prosciutto (an uncooked meat product), he immediately confiscated the entire thing ("Can't I eat it here?" "No.") and I went hungry during the several hours of my layover at JFK.

Lesson learned. Several years later, when Nuphy and returned from a trip to visit nitouche in Toronto with a kilo of frozen, uncooked peameal bacon, I told the agent we had no food products in our possession. Result: A blissful month of peameal bacon consumption in the comfort of my own home. So when monshu and were filling out our declarations on the flight back from Seoul and he asked, "What did you put for this?" (11. Mark an X in the Yes or No box. Are you bringing with you: a. fruits, plants, food, or insects? I immediately replied "No".

"But what about the nuts? And the tea?" (I had a bag of pistachios and some loose tea.)

"If we tell them about those, they'll take it away. If they search and find it, I'll pretend like I forgot I had it with me and be very apologetic."

Do I feel good about this? No. But I'm not sure what other choice I have with a system that actively rewards deceit and harshly penalises honesty. Even supposing they had let us keep our (utterly harmless) processed foods, getting to that point would've meant standing in yet another long line right after a nigh-sleepless twelve-hour flight.

What would work better? Hard to know. For a start, I'd be much more willing to cooperate with the USCBP if they weren't invariably such dicks during the few moments I do have to deal with them. (This last time, the customs agent was actually fine; it was the immigration officer alone who took responsibility for filling their quota of asshattery, but that's a story for another time.) Until they change their attitude, though, I--along with countless others--will continue the policy of "easier to beg for forgiveness than ask permission", with who knows what consequences for US agriculture, food safety, and so on.

Comments

[cpratt.livejournal.com]

I always, always check the box for food and explain what kind of food I have to the customs agents. Oddly enough, it inevitably means that I get through customs far more quickly - they're soothed by my explaining what kinds of food I have, and my knowing what kinds of food are absolutely verboten.

Bringing in meats is potentially a serious problem, so I'm glad to hear you're not doing that any more.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

Far more quickly than taking my form and waving me through without a single question, which is what they did at O'Hare last month? How is that possible?

[pne.livejournal.com]

That works as long as you're sure your foods are utterly harmless.

Other people who ignore that sort of thing may introduce pests or diseases. (I vaguely recall reading about a beetle being introduced into the South Pacific island of Niue, probably in a shipment of lumber, that had not been treated properly as was required - i.e. the people who introduced the lumber also lied on some form or other.)

I don't know what would work better, though, either.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

It works for ME whether my foods are harmless or not. If I can do it, then anyone can do it, which means that there are, at this moment, any number of people bringing in illegal and potentially dangerous products into the country. My risks are not meaningfully reduced by my own compliance and there are no immediately direct rewards for doing so, only inconvenience at best and penalties at worst. Like I said, it's a system that only rewards liars.

[tanagers.livejournal.com]

I always check no, too. The only time I ever declared was when I had a live rabbit in a cage. She was only about 4 weeks old, and she was as tiny as could be. I went to declare her along with all of the documents I knew were required. They looked at her in the cage, asked what she was ("Umm.... a rabbit."), and waved me through without ever looking at any documents.

In high school, during the mad cow scare, I did get stopped on the way back from France. My friend had an undeclared sausage in her bag and was ticketed for a $50 fine. Otherwise, I've never gotten in any trouble when they find something. They usually just tsk at my dad and throw away his Cuban cigars if they find them. In general though, they never stop me and really don't care if there is anything, anyway.

[areia.livejournal.com]

I immigrated through New York harbor with two British cats. I had a whole folder full of paperwork to prove any number of things about the cats, their health, their history, you name it. Immigration spent nearly an hour processing me. The didn't even glance at my two cat carriers. I walked them straight through customs and on to American soil without ever being questioned.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

When we brought through the peameal bacon, we also had a cat in a carrier. I seem to remember that they did, in fact, glance at the paperwork, but I'd have to ask Nuphy to be sure.

[ptownnyc.livejournal.com]

I think airport customs / security people dine very well on our confiscated items. I really doubt it is all disposed of.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

Yeah, if I worked for one I'd never need to bring in a box lunch!

[richardthinks.livejournal.com]

The form is delightfully vague, while seeming specific, too. If you're not allowed any animals, animal products, vegetables or vegetable products, then what is allowed? Am I not an animal? Are my leather shoes and cotton shirt verboten?

If I raise these questions, I'm pretty much always shouted down by whatever company I'm in, but I'm genuinely confused here. Clearly some animal and vegetable products are OK, others not. Where's the line?

[bunj.livejournal.com]

You can always email Customs with your questions. I did this recently when I wanted to bring prosciutto back from Italy (which you can do if it's in a sealed container rather than in, well, a sandwich). It took a week or two, but I did get a very helpful and nice email back.

[richardthinks.livejournal.com]

good to know: they're certainly not very approachable when you meet them at the border.

[nitouche.livejournal.com]

Customs definitely didn't need to know about the yak jerky Peter brought back.

Hey, when are you coming back for more bacon? Mmmm, bacon...

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

Next year, I hope. We certainly won't have the money and accumulated vacation time for another overseas trip so soon! It will be hard, however, adjusting to how little my American pesos will buy in your overpriced icebox utopia.

[nitouche.livejournal.com]

Here's an additional reason to come visit -- the T&T Supermarket that recently opened up downtown (well, Cherry Beach, but easier to get to than Markham). Last week they had specials on geoducks and Great Wall Brand Tasty Luncheon Meat...

[goreism.livejournal.com]

Four years ago the customs agents made the nice Iranian family ahead of us throw out quite a bit of caviar.

This summer, though, on my flight from Bangalore a customs agent at SFO walked around the carousel asking people (in Hindi, Punjabi, and English!) whether they had jeera, fruits, and some other things. If he was satisfied, you didn't even need to fill out the customs form; he signed off in green marker on your form and customs waved you through. Never seen that happen before.

[innerdoggie.livejournal.com]

US Customs let me take my Nanaimo bar from Vancouver back to Seattle.

OK, it wasn't meat, and they did pretend to confiscate it so they could eat it themselves, but I got to keep it.

[lhn.livejournal.com]

I'd never heard of these before, but having read the Wikipedia article I now clearly must try one.

[strongaxe.livejournal.com]

Going through customs is inevitable, but it's at your own leisure, so you can always wolf down your verboten sandwich BEFORE speaking to the first customs official.

Most of my experience has been driving across the US/Canada border. When entering the US, they were concerned with immigration issues (and drugs/alcohol/firearms), but couldn't care less even when I exceeded my un-dutiable goods allowance by hundreds of dollars.

They only hassled me about goods once, and it was because the guy was being a real prick about it:
CO: "Citizenship"
Me: "..."
CO: "Where are you going:
Me: "..."
CO: "Open the trunk"
Me: (opens trunk)
CO: "What is this? You didn't declare it. I could confiscate it you know"
Me: "You didn't even give me a chance to make a declaration!"
CO: "Well, don't let it happen again!"

Going the other way, it was the reverse. Canada was always very meticulous about what I was bringing back, making sure they got every penny of duty; however, they weren't that concerned about the immigration issues.

(The last time I moved to Toronto, I had a P.O. box in Niagara Falls NY that I had US mail forwarded to, from systems too brain-dead to allow forwarding to Canadian addresses. Once a month I would drive down to Niagara Falls, and walk across the border to the post office (4 blocks away). On several occasions, when returning, the customs official asked "Citizenship", and I said "Canadian" and he didn't even ask for papers - but he DID ask to see m mail.)

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

No, "at my own leisure" would be "after I've gone home, had a drink and a shower and a change of clothes". At least we were able to hit the head before getting in line, but it still came between monshu and his first post-flight cigarette.

[joliecanard.livejournal.com]

I almost always lie on the declarations, too. Except this past October, when I brought my dad a sausage from Germany.
Actually, I didn't declare it when entering Canada, but when I went back to the US, I declared it. I had them seal it at the store in Germany so I knew it was legal.

There are so many signs in the airport in Canada urging you to declare your food, and they all have live chickens on them. How many live chickens are being brought into Canada by individuals?