Dec. 20th, 2002 08:21 pm
Xmas Stress Update 1
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muckefuckI had hoped to make it at least until tomorrow without losing it. Oh, well.
Everything was basically fine until lunch. We had returned hungry from shopping and were trying to put the meal together. I asked Mom what I could do that afternoon to help her prepare for the family gathering tomorrow and she told me everything was under control, there was only one detail she was worried about: Who would play Santa for the little children?
Fortunately, my sister had warned me she would do this and I immediately answered "No". My younger brother had turned her down, too, and she wasn't comfortable asking my older brother. My sister said Mom could ask my brother-in-law if she wanted, but the answer would most likely be "no" there, too. We jokingly suggested my gay cousin’s boyfriend as a candidate.
Mom said she hoped to find someone among the cousins "since my own family has disappointed me." I asked why she was so set on having one of her children play Santa and she replied, "Because we're hosting." That's when I lost it. I said, "There's no tradition of having the hosting family play Santa! What difference does it make?" My younger brother had made the point that we’ll have a hundred other things to deal with and we don’t want to be tied up in a costume with squealers on our laps, but I wasn’t that coherent. I stormed off, lest I go on and on about her uncanny ability to fixate on unimportant details. This was excused me because "he's tired, he's not feeling well", so we were spared dealing with the reality: That I don’t approve of Mom’s approach to entertaining.
The basic problem is that she’s always trying to compete with her suburban sisters, who tend to be wealthier, extroverted, and get much more practice. She’s gotten better over the years at scaling down her plans to what she can actually pull off successfully, but there are always sticking points. Two years ago, when Christmas was at her house, my friend e. discovered her husband and me twining pine rope around the banister near the midnight hour. “Why are you doing that now?” she asked. “Because Mom wanted it,” I replied. That was the holiday in a nutshell.
After lunch, Mom left to do more shopping and I slept for two hours. I don't really feel much better, just less sleepy. But I don’t really feel any worse and the end is in sight. Thanks for all the well-wishing and let nothing you dismay.
Everything was basically fine until lunch. We had returned hungry from shopping and were trying to put the meal together. I asked Mom what I could do that afternoon to help her prepare for the family gathering tomorrow and she told me everything was under control, there was only one detail she was worried about: Who would play Santa for the little children?
Fortunately, my sister had warned me she would do this and I immediately answered "No". My younger brother had turned her down, too, and she wasn't comfortable asking my older brother. My sister said Mom could ask my brother-in-law if she wanted, but the answer would most likely be "no" there, too. We jokingly suggested my gay cousin’s boyfriend as a candidate.
Mom said she hoped to find someone among the cousins "since my own family has disappointed me." I asked why she was so set on having one of her children play Santa and she replied, "Because we're hosting." That's when I lost it. I said, "There's no tradition of having the hosting family play Santa! What difference does it make?" My younger brother had made the point that we’ll have a hundred other things to deal with and we don’t want to be tied up in a costume with squealers on our laps, but I wasn’t that coherent. I stormed off, lest I go on and on about her uncanny ability to fixate on unimportant details. This was excused me because "he's tired, he's not feeling well", so we were spared dealing with the reality: That I don’t approve of Mom’s approach to entertaining.
The basic problem is that she’s always trying to compete with her suburban sisters, who tend to be wealthier, extroverted, and get much more practice. She’s gotten better over the years at scaling down her plans to what she can actually pull off successfully, but there are always sticking points. Two years ago, when Christmas was at her house, my friend e. discovered her husband and me twining pine rope around the banister near the midnight hour. “Why are you doing that now?” she asked. “Because Mom wanted it,” I replied. That was the holiday in a nutshell.
After lunch, Mom left to do more shopping and I slept for two hours. I don't really feel much better, just less sleepy. But I don’t really feel any worse and the end is in sight. Thanks for all the well-wishing and let nothing you dismay.
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Doubtless being non-male, non-bearded, and non-surrounded-by-children, hence completely without Santa-playing option, has left me with a bad case of not being very realistic about the fun/stress balance in Santa-Claus-playing. To me, it sounds like role-playing that you get to do in front of your family.
(Personally, I like the image of Santa dumping a toddler off his lap to jump up and go yell at the caterers. Certainly should have an impact on said caterers...)
I ain't no Grinch!
Playing Santa wouldn't be a big deal if I had nothing else to worry about. But, though
Plus, I'm not over my cold. As I told Mom yesterday, "If I wake up tomorrow feeling like I felt this morning, than I'll make a piss-poor Santa." I'm coming to you now through the magic of pseudophed. I love my little relatives, but they take a lot of energy out of you and, sometimes, I can't afford to part with it. One hour of nephew wrangling this morning while everyone else slept in has already taken a toll.
But, most of all, what bugged me about it was this needless fixation on having one of her own children in the role. What difference does it make why we don't want to? There's no need for us to, and no tradition either. (The year my gentleman friend played Santa, my Mom's younger sister was hosting. Last time we hosted--we're on an eight-year rotation--a cousin played Santa.) Still, I probably wouldn't have exploded without the attempt at guilting.
But she's over it. In fact, she wants me to log off so she can call around and find someone else to take the part. (Why she can't use her cell phone...some questions aren't really worth asking, I guess.)