Wolfshead Days

[muckefuck]

"This is what I propose," said Owlet. We’ve been on the road many days now without incident or distraction." He looked sadly at his hands. "I begin to wonder if my skills at the gaming table have not atrophied beyond repair! So, to pass the time until our next adventure, we should take turns telling tales."

"I take it you have such a tale ready," said Korgrim.



"How many of you knew Davis’ mother?" There were nods of acknowledgement. "The reputation for shrewdness that innkeepers’ wives have, like most proverbial qualities, is exaggerrated. I've met many who were no sharper than their husbands, who themselves couldn't out-think a cockchafer. But if you knew Darien's wife, you also know that there are those remarkable individuals for whom exaggerration hardly does justice.

"Our first meeting was shortly after my sadly-uncelebrated arrival in Wolfshead. I had to find new lodging on short notice and Darien's inn came recommended, despite its modest nature--in those days, mind you. Davis, I don't know that you've ever seen the old place, but it was no wonder. Not that your brother's inheiritance is any Wingèd Dove, but, ah, few places are!"

He paused wistfully, his eyes focussed on some seemingly distant dream of soft sheets and fine food.

"Well, the old man showed me to my room and I got settled in as best I could. It didn't take me long, as I am a man of few belongings, but, when I returned to the common room, he was nowhere to be seen. I found myself facing a strapping hussy with a flushed face and chestnut hair. Yes, chestnut! I daresay none of you save Davis remember her without a head of gray. I asked if it might be possible to have soup at mealtime and she assented. Then I told her, 'I don’t like a meagre broth. I've had too much of it of late and it's left me famished. So for every ring of fat floating in the broth, I'll pay you a copper—'”

Calanar's smile had caught Owlet's eye and brought his tale to a halt. "You know where this is leading?" asked the elf.

"If I’m not mistaken, the avaricious innkeeper endeavours to fill the soup with so many rings of fat that they all flow together to form one, and your sumptuous meal costs a mere penny!" replied the mage.

"I won’t lie and say that wasn't my intent. But--as I should've foreseen from those hard, light eyes of hers--Darien's wife hadn't come to earth with the last shower."

"How many coppers were in your pocket at that point?" asked Davis.

"It hardly matters. As it turned out, I forwent the soup. She said, 'I can see from your manner you're a wagering man. I've got a wager for you myself. How do you fancy fowl's eggs?' I told her I liked them well enough—if they were fresh. 'Very well,' she said. 'We've just received a basket of fresh eggs. With your hunger, how many do you think you could eat at a sitting?'

"'Oh, a half-dozen, I should think.'

"'What if I set a whole dozen in front of you and told you you'd pay the same price for the dozen as you would for one...if you ate that entire dozen in one sitting?'

"Not being of porcine heritage…"

He paused significantly. Calanar stole a glance at Korgrim, who took no notice--or, at least, pretended not to.

"…I'm not accustomed to using my mouth as a satchel. But, at that moment, I felt confident I could eat such a meal. And, with a belly so filled, I would have no need for any further provisions all through the next day."

"How very frugal of you, Owlet!" cried Sirinah. Owlet ignored her and continued:

"So I said, 'Yes, I do think that I could be persuaded to eat the whole dozen.'

"She wore only the trace of a smile as she said, 'Then it’s a wager. If you eat all twelve eggs or a single one, you'll pay a copper. Otherwise, it's the going rate.'

"My first indication that I might be about to lose the wager was when I returned at mealtime and saw the grins of the ill-wishers who had gathered to watch. But I had gone the entire day without so much as a crumb. To further whet my appetite, I'd spent it in vigourous exertion. I swore I could've eaten an entire piglet had it been placed before me...and I abhor pork!"

Again, no reaction from the half-orc, despite the fact that he seemed to be devoting the whole of his attention to Owlet as he spun his yarn. Such a fine voice he has! thought Korgrim. It must be because it comes from such a shapely throat.

"Darien’s wife saw me and said, 'Here he comes, ready at last to put some flesh on that frame! Does the young squire prefer them warm and runny or hardened and cold?'

"'If the eggs be really fresh,' I said, 'I'd fain eat them raw, so as better to savour them!' She took me at my word. At first, I thought hunger was deceiving me, since each one seemed over twice as large as a common egg. Once I picked one up, I knew this was no deception. It was as large as my fist and heavy as a tankard brimming with small beer. 'What kind of eggs did you say these were?' I asked.

"'I didn't,' replied the matron. 'Are they not to his liking?'

"I made a great show of evaluating the egg I held, sniffing it, scratching the shell, examining the colour in the light of the lamp. Finally, I cracked the shell and sipped a dollop. I had to admit, it tasted as fresh as if it has been laid in front of me."

"What bird did the eggs come from?" asked Davis.

"I could not say. To this day, I have never seen their like. If you told me they were plucked from the nest of one of the Achaierai, I should not have doubted you!"

"Probably goose," he replied, "that or swan."

"If you call such a fowl such as cannot stay aloft without that it scatters hayricks by the downdraft from its wings a swan, then I heartily agree with you that a swan did lay those eggs!”

"How much did you end up owing?"

"All in good time. Were I as wise as I am today, I would have accepted defeat at that very moment and not eaten another bite. But I was still quite impetuous and refused to surrender my pride. Up until the third egg—maybe even the fourth—I could still savour its astounding richness and fullness. By the sixth, I would rather have had stones set before me for my consumption. By the eighth, I could've sworn off eggs for life and, after the tenth, I felt my body could hold no more and that, if I ingested another, it would simply sit and the back of my mouth, unable to sink down any further. I asked your mother, 'If I were to stop eating now and pay you the ten coppers—'

"'Ten coppers!' she said, feigning surprise, 'I had hoped the squire would keep his word and pay the going rate!'

"'And what is the going rate?' I asked.

"'The bill now stands at twenty wheatsheaves, four Sheridans, and seven coppers,' she told me.

"'‘TWENTY WHEATSHEAVES!' I exclaimed, staggered, 'are eggs so rarely in your possession that they should be as valuable as gems?'

"'Ah,' she said, 'the squire must admit these are clearly no ordinary eggs. They are quite precious. In fact, since these are all I have, they become dearer with each one that he eats—to the tune as twice so dear. The next one will cost you again as much as the sum I've just given you, less one copper.'"

"Now I know you’re inventing this story!" cried Davis. "Mother knew her simple sums, but she was no geometrist. She could never have done such sums in her head."

"I never invent a story! All of my stories are true, althought not every one is scrupulously factual. That's my license. If your mother couldn't do such sums in her head, then it's my opinion that she arrived at them out ahead of time using some calculating device and memorised them, awaiting exactly such a moment."

Davis couldn't disprove such a possibility and so his companion took up the thread once more.

"At those prices," he said, "who could afford not to keep eating, though he kill himself in the process? I told myself that I had agreed to eat them all in one sitting and that I could sit for quite a while yet. No sooner had that thought occurred to me, however, than my body rebelled. My innards began to quake and I slurped down the next egg as quickly as I could. I grit my teeth and stared at that last one, which now felt as heavy as a judgement and as large as the bailiff who executes it. I don't know how I finished it. I do know that it was hardly down my gullet than I had plunked a single copper on the table and risen to my feet. 'Thank you, goodwoman, for a meal fit for a king’s retinue!' I said and staggered upstairs. As soon as I had reached my room and could not be heard, all dozen of those miraculous eggs rose from my belly and flew out the window. I continued to retch long after they had soaked into the ground outside or been lapped away by curs. A few hours later, of course, the hunger returned at double the strength, coupled with an aversion to eating such as I hope I never feel again."

"Sounds like you learned a valuable lesson!" laughed Davis. "You never tried to get the better of her again, did you?"

"Actually, I did try--and, though you might hardly believe it--I did succeed....But that's a tale for another time. Now it's time for someone else to tell us his own tale. Who shall it be?"

Comments

[prilicla.livejournal.com]

I just wanted to let you know that I loved this.