Awards for Contest Winners!

[muckefuck]

Now that the trickle of entries has finally dried up, I'm officially closing my Exciting Imaginative Contest: Explain What Ruined Da's Jacket. Many thanks to all who entred. Those would be, in a particular order[*]: almeda, kayiwa, 0595, bunj, rollick, Ken, and hitchhiker. With such creative entries, it was only by applying the most rigourous and objective criteria that a single winner could be selected.



Mr Ken Mollpeartree! Come on down! You requested as your boon:

a Russian name for Sheila's command chair, so that I can trade it to her for a sour-cream apple pie.

In the interest of preserving the secrecy of this name of power, I render it below in the mystical alphabet of the Apostle to the Moravians:

???????-??-??????

Other prizes as follows:

bunj had by far the tersest entry. His new name, Hom, is from that tersest of languages, tlhIngan Hol.

almeda saw beneath the flimsy veil of consensual reality the horrifying cosmic truth. Her new name is rendered in the extinct and cacophonous language of Carcosa and I shall not bring excidion on us all by uttering its eldritch and demoniac syllables here.

hitchhiker gave the most scientific explanation. He will be named by the most rigourously mathematical of all languages, Classical Arabic. You may all call him Musâfir al-Meidânî.

Again, thank you all for your participation. When the revolution comes and your backs are up again the wall, it will not be forgotten.

[*] My next contest will be...guessing that order

Comments

[lifeandstuff.livejournal.com]

Contest? I missed a contest? Phah.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

Sib! I gave you plenty of time to catch up! If you hadn't been pissing it all away buying blinkenlights at Menards and whatever the hell it is that you surburbanites do with your time, you could've won the GRAND PRIZE.

Still, 'cause I like you so much, I'm going to find you a genuine Swabian moniker. Just you wait!

[mollpeartree.livejournal.com]

So, I take it I should have actually written out "Moths came" to have been considered an offical entrant? Or is the total lack of imagination itself disqualifying?

Are you going to leave the name of my command chair on your message machine? I promise to call sooner this time.

[lifeandstuff.livejournal.com]

Sorry, doll/sib, I think all official entries must be submitted in writing. Unless, of course, you are cool like me, in which case you are an automatic winner. It's kind of like those lists to get in to the hip night clubs (as seen in Zoolander ). If your really cool, you don't even have to be on the list, because you are that cool.

[lifeandstuff.livejournal.com]

I think I was driving to a barbecue in my beamer, so I didn't see it. Having a Swabian moniker will be most cool. o_nut will be proud. :)

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

lifeandstuff is correct: All entries must be in writing. What you wrote was:

My brain is too clouded by moths to devise a good story

, which is a non-entry. Actually, since a "non-entry" is no entry at all, this is really an anti-entry. But thank you for not playing.

So the name isn't yours; it's Ken's and what he decides to do with it is entirely his own affair. Just don't get upset at him or he may sulk and sit on it indefinitely.

[(Anonymous)]

Alphabetical order when spelled backwards!

Do I win? Is the prize something other than a ruined Djacket?

- Sh.

[rollick.livejournal.com]

Bah! I should have won! This thing was rigged! The French-speaking judge (that is, Da) is conspiring with the Russian-speaking judge (also Da) to rob me of my victory! I demand a recount! Until I start losing, at which point I demand a Supreme-Court-mandated end to the recounting! Waaah!

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

That grade of acuity can only come from partaking of the Shekinah. You must be an angel clothed in human flesh and your true name is...PATISHEL--GAVEL OF THE DIVINE JUDGE!

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

Wait...it's coming to me...I can hear the spirits...di schwätza...your Swabian name is...is..

Pädderich!

Or maybe with one d. The spirits aren't as clear as they could be, dumme Schwoba!

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

This isn't the real world! Whining and bitching will get you nowhere! (Baking, on the other hand...)

[rollick.livejournal.com]

Pah. You had your chance; it was called spookyfruit's birthday party, and the cookies I made for it were the best I've ever done. (New cookbook = new recipe = cookies that actually look like cookies instead of vague stabs at cookery.) Actually, I'm looking forward to getting past the gaming orgy that will be this weekend, because as of Monday, I'm going to be engaging in a baking orgy in order to generate Christmas presents. And I've got this cocoa cookie recipe I've been really eager to try.

Last night while listening to the commentary track for a movie I was reviewing, I also flipped through my as-yet-unused chicken cookbook, and found about 50 recipes I want to try. Sigh. Tandoori chicken, curry chicken, fenugreek chicken… so little time, so much good-sounding food.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

I'm willing to wait for the equinox.

[rollick.livejournal.com]

Is that when all cookies are equal?

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

No, it's when you can balance them all on their edges! WHEEEEEEE!

[rollick.livejournal.com]

Ab— ahhg— but— uh—

Oh, pook. You win. Point, game, set, match.

[o-nut.livejournal.com]

Das ist ja toll!

[mollpeartree.livejournal.com]

You two are in on this together, aren't you? I asked Ken for the name last night, and he said "Where's my pie?" He came out and admitted that this contest was basically just a pie-extortion plot, as far as he was concerned. Hmmmph.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

Hardly. The fatal flaw in your grand conspiracy theory is that I will not partake of this pie! (Unless you were to bake it and bring it on one of your forays north to someplace I'm actually present, but how likely is that?)

[lifeandstuff.livejournal.com]

They are most wise and wonderful spirits. I gratefully accept the new moniker. In fact, I love it. I might even live it.

You might be offended by this, but an RPG character of mine has a name kind of close that (with the two ds) as I tend to go with variations of my actual name (although some get really quite varied). Can I use this name in RPGs or is that an insult to the spirits?

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

The spirits hate d20, so I wouldn't use it for a 3E character. Being all ethereal and incorporeal, they especially like White Wolf games, but there I put my foot down. Remember, it's note everyone who has a Swabian name of their very own, so don't abuse the privilege. Vil Spass und ade!