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[personal profile] muckefuck
"Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway."--Elbert Hubbard.
I've never been able to accept this quote at face value. For one thing, I dislike the way it divides the world into those who are for you and those who are against you. What about the majority of people, who don't know you well enough to be a friend or an enemy? For another, it really isn't true that friends never need explanations. There are actions that, if they stem from one set of motivations, are perfectly understable and, if they stem from another set, are reason enough to reconsider the worth of the friendship. Mr Hubbard might have enough unconditional love to spread around among acquaintances, but I barely have enough for all my family.

It's hard to reformulate the quote so that it expresses what I feel while still remaining someone pithy, but if I might be allowed the liberty: "Don't volunteer explanations--if your friends need one, they'll ask and others will assume the worst regardless." Not as pretty--and still a bit inaccurate, since not everyone assumes the worst--but it does encapsulate what I think is a basic truth about friendship. Friends do give you the benefit of the doubt. If they hear a scurrilous rumour, they suspend belief until they've had a chance to talk to you. If you say something fatuous or offensive, they'll give you a chance to clarify before cutting you off. If you hurt their feelings, they'll let you know before the resentment causes them to drift away.

One of the things I've had the most difficulty with on LJ is figuring out how to pitch my writing at an audience that consists of both friends and others (including, for all I know, "enemies"). Intentional irony, for instance, only works when those hearing it know that the sentiments expressed are out of character. I've experimented with Friends groups, but without much success; even with filters, the potential for miscalculation is still huge. I myself have been uncharitable on subject where feelings ran high, to the point where I decided to suspend political posts until I felt I could play nice again.

I'd like to extend my thanks to those regular readers who read my entries and comments in a spirit of generosity (I can think of two cantankerous Aussies in particular who have a remarkably good record on this score despite disagreeing with me--violently, at times--on all manner of issues. Long may you two prosper!) and my appreciation to those out there who gave my personality and ideas a chance even if they decided in the end that those just weren't for them. I'd encourage casual interlopers to follow their example, but I don't suspect any of them have read this far. In return, the least I can do is to make a greater effort to suspend my judgementalness, bite my sarcastic tongue, and read your output with the eyes of a friend.
Date: 2004-10-15 09:39 pm (UTC)

From: [identity profile] pacotelic.livejournal.com
Australian prosperity is easy with a weak American dollar.

Good post. I regret not replying to your posts more often, as they always demand long answers and are bound to get a mix of left/right, American/International.

/zip-zang
Date: 2004-10-15 09:50 pm (UTC)

From: [identity profile] pheret1.livejournal.com
I think of myself as a casual interloper - yet, I read that far...

You're interesting to read, and I appreciate it when we don't agree because I do think about your point of view.
Date: 2004-10-15 09:57 pm (UTC)

From: [identity profile] muckefuck.livejournal.com
You've Friended me; I tend to think of that as less than casual. Not that I confuse Friends with friends, but I tend to at least scan the entries of everyone on my Friends list on a regular basis and assume, in the absence of evidence to the contrary, that they do the same.

You don't comment much, but when you have (e.g. on the insurance question), you've given me something to ponder.
Date: 2004-10-15 10:27 pm (UTC)

From: [identity profile] snowy-owlet.livejournal.com
I always think the best of you, of course, except when you're being a jackass.
Date: 2004-10-16 09:48 am (UTC)

From: [identity profile] muckefuck.livejournal.com
I really couldn't ask for anything more!
Date: 2004-10-18 04:11 pm (UTC)

Date: 2004-10-18 04:01 pm (UTC)

From: [identity profile] bunj.livejournal.com
The main reason I don't post more than once in a blue moon is because I'm unsure of my audience. It makes it difficult to set an appropriate tone. So, I salute your tackling of awkward topics in this forum. Of course, I know you pretty well, and agree with you on most subjects, so it would be hard for you to piss me off.
Date: 2004-10-18 05:48 pm (UTC)

From: [identity profile] muckefuck.livejournal.com
That's one reason why I cling to the fraying threads in my cloak of semi-anonymity. The further one gets from my group of intimates, the more likely things I say are going to be read out of context, misunderstood, and cause offence.

Not to say that I haven't written a lot of things that are stupid-ass in any context or thoughtless or just plain ignorant. Part of the idea of living a trail like this is to remind myself to think harder and longer before opening my mouth.

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