My father's fer-de-lance story

[muckefuck]

(For those of you who don't know what a fer-de-lance is, it's the most venomous snake of the Americas. [Cue one of my Australian readers saying: {Crocodile Dundee voice} "Huh, huh. Thet's not a vinimis sneyk." {whips taipan out of trousers} "Neuw thet's a vinimis sneyk!"])

My father was a member of the Papal Volunteers (basically, a Catholic Peace Corps--Catholics have to have their own version of everything). Late one night, when he was living in Stann Creek, British Honduras [now Dangriga, Belize], he and two of his friends encountred a fer-de-lance. One of them killed it with a machete. Carl Burns, an Iowa farmboy, wanted to save the skin, but he didn't want to do the skinning in the middle of the night. Since this is the tropics, they knew the flesh would get pretty rank and nasty before morning, so they stowed the corpse in the kerosene-powered refrigerator.

Of course, no one warned the cook. A blood-curdling scream at the crack of dawn alerted them to this oversight. She was ready to quit on the spot, but they managed to convince her to stay by promising never to do something like that again.

Comments

[nibadi.livejournal.com]

wäre ich der Koch gewesen, hätte mich beim öffnen des Kühlschranks mit 95 % Wahrscheinlichkeit der Schlag getroffen und ich wäre augenblicklich tot gewesen. Zu 5% Wahrscheinlichkeit hätte ich zunächst überlebt, ein bis 3 Morde verübt und wäre wohlmöglich auf einem Us-elektrischen Stuhl verendet. :)

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

Auf einem amerikanischen nicht, da das Land damals eine britische Kolonie war. Du hättest erstaunliches Glück: Grossbritannien hat die Todesstrafe erst 1965 abgeschafft--eventuell nicht vor den Morden, aber sicher vor Deiner Bestrafung!

[nibadi.livejournal.com]

Meinst du nicht, man hätte mich wegen Verübung eines Kapitalverbrechens an amerikanischen Bürgern an die USA ausgeliefert und der amerikanischen Gerichtsbarkeit überstellt?

Aber wie bereits gesagt, die Wahrscheinlichkeit, das ich einem Infarkt - Herz oder Hirn oder beides - erlegen wäre, ist sehr viel höher als dass mir physische Reserven für den Racheakt geblieben wären.

[currawong.livejournal.com]

Oh Mucky, Mucky,,,,we don't all sound like that odious moron Steve Irwin. Think John Guielgud with a splash of Russel Crow.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

I am, but that's not really doing it for me. Now Bob Hunter with a splash of Kiwi, that's something else!

[currawong.livejournal.com]

Yes, it would probably be safer to play with a tuarara than a taipan.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

D'oh! I meant "Bill Hunter", of course. Last night, I described him to mollpeartree as "Australia's Depardieu" (in the sense of a fat, middle-aged actor who's seemingly legally obligated to be in any local film exported to the US). Not that I wouldn't do the Croc Hunter if there were only some way TO GET HIM TO SHUT UP for five minutes. (Relevant Onion headline: Crocodile Hunter Like That In Bed, Too.)

There must be band called "The Brothers Tuatara."

[currawong.livejournal.com]

And d'oh, I meant John GIELGUD and Russel CROWE.

I thought you must have meant Bill Hunter, unless you were referring to an obscure Texas senator.

Bill used to be a local part-time barman until about ten years ago, (We don't pay our actors like oriental potentates).

He is in most Aussie movies, his best being "Muriel's Wedding", (as the Mayor of Porpoise Spit) 'Gallipoli" and Bruce Beresford's remarkable "Newsfront", (remarkable because it looks like it cost millions of dollars but was made for less than the cost of the coffee budget of "Terminator II")

If you enjoy Aussie movies, see them while you can. First Rupert Murdoch intimidated our state government into giving him our beautiful old showgrounds to turn them into studios where crap like "Starbores" and the "Matrix" pretentiousnesses are made. Now our gee-whizz new free trade agreement will see the demise of what's left of our film industry.