Attacked!

[muckefuck]

I was making my way to the nearest cafeteria for lunch when I felt something on the crown of my head. It felt almost like a tree branch, but then I noted that the nearest one was over twenty feet away. When it happened again, I realised it must be a bird, so I waved it off and dashed several yards away. This time I saw the culprit return to the bough of an ash and chatter away agitatedly. I was tempted to find something to hurl at the little fucker but I realised (1) I'd never hit him and (2) I'd look even more foolish. No one seemed to have noticed that I'd just been assaulted by a blackbird, so I hurried on to the lunchroom.

On the way back, I kept my eyes fixed on that tree. My nemesis wasn't present, so I kept walking--and got nailed again when he flew out of another tree on the other side of the road. This time, I didn't escape unscathed: A guy driving pass on a lawnmower saw, pointed, and laughed. Oh! A palpable blow to my pride!

I sure hope this doesn't happen every time from now on! Anybody got a pellet gun?

Comments

[snowy-owlet.livejournal.com]

That's what you get for painting "I EAT EGGZ" on the top of your head.

[scathedobsidian.livejournal.com]

...wow.

I have one.

[go-wade-in.livejournal.com]

at least it didn't poop in your mouth.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

I'm very relieved that no pooping of any sort was involved.

[mollpeartree.livejournal.com]

[mom]Awwwww, he likes you!![/mom]

"Nevermore"

[febrile.livejournal.com]

Hey, they remade Psycho frame-for-frame. Little did we know they're doing the same to The Birds, apparently.

If he does it again, and someone is watching, I say you leave the creature perched atop your mane, point to whomever is laughing, and speak a Romany curse at them in low tones. I tried to Google one up for you to have prepared, but only ended up with links to Buffy the Vampire Slayer fandom sites. If only I knew a linguist or a librarian....

Re: "Nevermore"

[snowy-owlet.livejournal.com]

The only problem with this idea is that, if he has a bird pirched on his head, he'll end up looking like the bus driver from South Park.

Except, you know, a boy.
And with a bird.
And better teeth.

Never mind.

like a red flag to a bull

[niemandsrose.livejournal.com]

I wonder if the redwing-blackbird is incited by your red hair?

[currawong.livejournal.com]

Poor Tippi ! Does Rod Taylor do house-calls?

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, there's no mention of this on his web site, just pointers on seeking his autograph. Maybe he'd show if I said it was a birthday party for my nephew.

[teapot-farm.livejournal.com]

I'm getting the same response from herring gulls when I walk the dog. They're a protected species but that is SO not going to stop me smacking them when they come within a foot of my head...