The Celestial Kingdom has need of nothing

[muckefuck]

Last night, monshu rang me as I was leaving La Fonda with welcomerain (hint, hint, post something, girlfriend!) and a rather unexpected spookyfruit. He said that my father had called my number, gotten a message saying that the line was being tested, and called him instead. No message, but he wanted me to return the call.

I figured this indicated either (a) a family tragedy or, more likely, (b) my parents were coming up this weekend. (For them, three days notice is about par.) So I had my dinner companions drop me off at monshu's so I could call back. I also figured that my father had managed to lose my new number again after I've given it to him at least three times already. (This didn't prevent him from insisting, when I did call, that I'd never given it to him. Senility starts early in this family; denial begins at birth.)

His Big News was trip-related, but not the way I had anticipated. He asked "What do you want me to bring you back from China?" Holy shit, what don't I want him to bring back? I told him I'd narrow down the options and get back to him.

I consulted with monshu whose response was, "Well, we don't want them to pick out any art." Cruel, yet undeniable. Broken ice pattern window shutters wouldn't fit in a suitcase anyway. How about liquor? I've complained here many a time that Chinese drinking (as opposed to cooking) wines are mysteriously unavailable around here. Plus, they did alright on that score in Greece, bringing back a bottle of superior No. 12 Ouzo (which I finally broke into last weekend in celebration of Nuphy's recovery).

Any suggestions, people?

Comments

duh

[snowy-owlet.livejournal.com]

wrong candy!

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

But I can buy that here! How do I instruct them on how to seek out substances I've never even seen?

[snowy-owlet.livejournal.com]

Well, good point.

[prilicla.livejournal.com]

Well, you could ask them to bring back random food items. Presumably, some of them will be good and others will be Wrong. On the other hand, I don't know the rules for bringing food to the US from China, and it would be sad if they had to dump everything at the airport.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

I'm sure nasty dried ones would be okay, but I'm not really into those.

Oooh, maybe they could find some wine with a snake it in--you know, the kind where after you finish drinking the wine, you're supposed to eat the snake?

[bunj.livejournal.com]

Aha! Yet more proof of early contact between China and Mexico! That goofy book was right.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

Oh man! We are going to have such fun mocking everything they bring back as further astounding evidence of Chinese discovery of the Americas!

[welcomerain.livejournal.com]

1) The company that made my gift has no web presence, other than appearing on an FDA listing embargoing their products from entering the country without English nutrition information printed on them.
So I have to take a picture. This involves letting the digital camera battery recharge. Therefore, we all must wait.

2) I recommend requesting something from China with Engrish on it, for the humor value. I have a t-shirt from Korea that I HAD to buy for the insane Engrish.

[spookyfruit.livejournal.com]

the coconts boy is having a bear good time lunch by the sea beach

[mollpeartree.livejournal.com]

I hear the really good green tea is sold only in China. Or so a friends' auntie who visited semi-regularly and made tins of green tea her standard gift for people back home claimed.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

I can hardly tell the difference between the $12/lb stuff and the $30/lb stuff, so I'm not going to ask my parents to spend upwards of $200/lb for frickin' tea.

Booze! Booze! Booze!

But maybe if there's an interesting variety that simply isn't available here. Like, I dunno, purple tea or something.

[mollpeartree.livejournal.com]

The impression I had was, it's not all that expensive in China. But maybe she was blowing more money on the green tea gifts than people ever realized ...

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

Where is that article I read last year about the exorbitant prices at the annual green tea auctions in China? The prices made me gape.

[mollpeartree.livejournal.com]

Auctions? This was back in the mid-80's; maybe there wasn't competitive pricing back then.