![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Ugh. I just want to go home and curl up in a ball.
Normally that wouldn't be a problem. It's Friday, we don't have game tonight, I can push through the rest of the day and then retreat. Except that this weekend is Open House Chicago. Plus a guy I know in Madison wants to come down for a visit.
OHC is important enough to me that I scheduled my visit home around it. This year I vowed I'd buy a membership in order to use the express lines but I balked at the price yesterday when I finally got around to looking at the webpage and haven't joined even though Big Red is willing to go halfsies on a "dual" membership that would save us each 30%. I'd talked to the cute Egyptian architect I met in a bar about it months ago but now he seems less than enthusiastic about coordinating. Or am I just projecting? When I get like this, it's hard to tell.
The guy from Madison is a dowdy accountant who's a very sweet man but a bit of a drag. We ended up palling around a lot at HiBearNation last year because he came alone, too, and by the end of the weekend his low-key neediness was beginning to wear on me. I even ended up having sex with him the last night for the same dumb reason I always end up having sex with guys I'm not really interested in: because at the time it seems easier than not having sex.
So he'll want to do that again and if I'm not on guard I'll say yes--or rather, I won't say "no" because I hate making people feel bad. Which is exactly why I didn't say, "Don't come." I don't know why he chose this weekend; I don't think he's particularly interested in OHC but he'll do it if I am because he wants to spend time with me. I tried to dissuade him from coming down by being honest about my ennui but that didn't work. Maybe he just needs to experience me at my worst to learn when to stay away.
Normally that wouldn't be a problem. It's Friday, we don't have game tonight, I can push through the rest of the day and then retreat. Except that this weekend is Open House Chicago. Plus a guy I know in Madison wants to come down for a visit.
OHC is important enough to me that I scheduled my visit home around it. This year I vowed I'd buy a membership in order to use the express lines but I balked at the price yesterday when I finally got around to looking at the webpage and haven't joined even though Big Red is willing to go halfsies on a "dual" membership that would save us each 30%. I'd talked to the cute Egyptian architect I met in a bar about it months ago but now he seems less than enthusiastic about coordinating. Or am I just projecting? When I get like this, it's hard to tell.
The guy from Madison is a dowdy accountant who's a very sweet man but a bit of a drag. We ended up palling around a lot at HiBearNation last year because he came alone, too, and by the end of the weekend his low-key neediness was beginning to wear on me. I even ended up having sex with him the last night for the same dumb reason I always end up having sex with guys I'm not really interested in: because at the time it seems easier than not having sex.
So he'll want to do that again and if I'm not on guard I'll say yes--or rather, I won't say "no" because I hate making people feel bad. Which is exactly why I didn't say, "Don't come." I don't know why he chose this weekend; I don't think he's particularly interested in OHC but he'll do it if I am because he wants to spend time with me. I tried to dissuade him from coming down by being honest about my ennui but that didn't work. Maybe he just needs to experience me at my worst to learn when to stay away.