Baggage

A couple more musings on the family visit:

• I still wish I hadn't lost my shit with Crazy Brother for pestering me about coming to his ill-conceived game night. It did have one potential side benefit in that it happened in the car with Dad and Stepmom, so when I ranted about how stressful it is for me to come down and have to try to conform to everyone else's agenda without ever being allowed one of my own, even when my husband has just died, she heard every word. It's the closest I've ever gotten to letting her know how disappointed I was in her two years ago.
• I'm still ambivalent about coming for Christmas. Being able to do exactly whatever the fuck I wanted to do on the 25th for pretty much the first time ever was so amazing that it's going to be hard to squeeze myself back into that box. But OGI asked me point blank "Are you coming for Christmas?" and since I'd already kinda decided to I said, "Yes" and now if I back out I'll be lying to my favourite nephew who's only 10 and that is just not my brand.
• Speaking of the niblings, I was so shocked with how chunky AWI's gotten that I mentioned it to my mom and she dropped the bomb that he's now prediabetic. Sis brought it up, too, in the midst of cataloging her troubles, because of course she feels like a rotten mother and I'm not sure why that made me feel more of a stab of empathy for her than the other things. When I told Mom I was puzzled because that family eats pretty healthy she pointed out it's not what he eats but how much he eats. I confided in her that one of the main things keeping me fit is trying to make the boys happy but AWI shows all the interest in romance of a Weeping Angel, so that's probably out as a motivator.
• United Provisions has gotten annoying. Since I was feeling punk on Sunday, I told Stepmom I just wanted some soup from the Bread Co. in the Loop. Except there's no Bread Co. in the Loop any more, so when pressed for an alternative, I ended up picking UP. They did have soup, but (a) you had to microwave it yourself and (b) there's no place in the store to sit and eat, so Dad and I ended up crouching in the entryway like bums to slurp our ramen. It was decent quality and their selection of foreign groceries is still ace but it's odd to see a high-end grocery move away from encouraging people to dine in and I hope it doesn't bode ill.