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muckefuckKorgrim: Brother Owlet, I've never known you to go so long without speaking. What do you think?
Owlet: I think it's very fortunate you don't read thoughts. Where did this come from?
Korgrim: We had commissioned it for the chapel--
Owlet: But, in the end, you decided it wasn't understated and tasteful enough for a Temple to Kord?
Korgrim: Not impressive enough! The replacement will be eight ells high, burnished brass, ornamented with--
Owlet: --a loincloth, hopefully.
Korgrim: And detract from the raw power of the sculpture?
Page: But this is more than just a sculpture.
Owlet: It tells time? No, wait, that requires counting to twelve...
Korgrim: It's a fountain! Fiat aqua!
Owlet: But then where does the water come ou--OH MY STARS.
Korgrim: Ingenious, isn't it? That part was Balin's idea. He helped a lot.
Owlet: That would explain the extensive use of dead animal parts in the decorating scheme.
Korgrim: Feel this! Real parandrus hide! Is there anything finer?
Owlet: Yes. Anything.
Looks down.
Why is the floor so filthy?
Korgrim: Oh, that's not filth. It's a special covering designed not to show dirt.
Owlet: Which it accomplishes by looking exactly like dirt.
Page: That was part of the concept. They wanted to bring some of the outdoors in. A tribute to your love of the forests.
Owlet: My love of the forests...it's sort of a Platonic love, uncontaminated by too much association with base matter.
Page: Here is the area they imagined as your retreat. How does the art on the walls please you?
Owlet: What art?
Korgrim: Another ingenious idea of Balin's!
Owlet: He really should leave the life of beating men and beasts to a pulp behind and devote himself exclusively to his "ingenious ideas".
Korgrim: What, and lose his connexion to his sources of inspiration? Anyway, here's how it happened: I was standing...here when the morning sun came through the window and cast the shadow of my head on the far wall. Balin said, "If only there were a way to fix it there forever." So we outlined it with chalk. Then he took a lantern and we went around the room. He cast shadows of all parts of my body. I was thinking of you while we did it...
Owlet: Yes, ahem, I see that.
Page: Such excellent detail! How true to life!
Owlet: I do not want to know how you know that!
Korgrim: I'll wager it's something you never would've come up with!
Owlet: I'm more concerned how it will come off.
Korgrim: You mean...off the wall? Oh, no. We chisled out the shadows before filling them with pigment. They're part of the wall.
Owlet: You're kidding, right? No relief from the bas relief...
Page: You still haven't said anything about the colours, Uncle.
Owlet: Do I really need to? Hmm...er...oh, how clever! Potential intruders will think the walls covered in Yellow Mould and Green Slime! I didn't worry about them creeping across them to murder me in my sleep.
Korgrim: Enough quips, Friend Owlet! Tell me, how do you really feel about your new tower?
Owlet: [to page] Blind me again. Please.
Next on Rotating Towers: Dovecote, or, Is there such a thing as too much white?
Owlet: I think it's very fortunate you don't read thoughts. Where did this come from?
Korgrim: We had commissioned it for the chapel--
Owlet: But, in the end, you decided it wasn't understated and tasteful enough for a Temple to Kord?
Korgrim: Not impressive enough! The replacement will be eight ells high, burnished brass, ornamented with--
Owlet: --a loincloth, hopefully.
Korgrim: And detract from the raw power of the sculpture?
Page: But this is more than just a sculpture.
Owlet: It tells time? No, wait, that requires counting to twelve...
Korgrim: It's a fountain! Fiat aqua!
Owlet: But then where does the water come ou--OH MY STARS.
Korgrim: Ingenious, isn't it? That part was Balin's idea. He helped a lot.
Owlet: That would explain the extensive use of dead animal parts in the decorating scheme.
Korgrim: Feel this! Real parandrus hide! Is there anything finer?
Owlet: Yes. Anything.
Looks down.
Why is the floor so filthy?
Korgrim: Oh, that's not filth. It's a special covering designed not to show dirt.
Owlet: Which it accomplishes by looking exactly like dirt.
Page: That was part of the concept. They wanted to bring some of the outdoors in. A tribute to your love of the forests.
Owlet: My love of the forests...it's sort of a Platonic love, uncontaminated by too much association with base matter.
Page: Here is the area they imagined as your retreat. How does the art on the walls please you?
Owlet: What art?
Korgrim: Another ingenious idea of Balin's!
Owlet: He really should leave the life of beating men and beasts to a pulp behind and devote himself exclusively to his "ingenious ideas".
Korgrim: What, and lose his connexion to his sources of inspiration? Anyway, here's how it happened: I was standing...here when the morning sun came through the window and cast the shadow of my head on the far wall. Balin said, "If only there were a way to fix it there forever." So we outlined it with chalk. Then he took a lantern and we went around the room. He cast shadows of all parts of my body. I was thinking of you while we did it...
Owlet: Yes, ahem, I see that.
Page: Such excellent detail! How true to life!
Owlet: I do not want to know how you know that!
Korgrim: I'll wager it's something you never would've come up with!
Owlet: I'm more concerned how it will come off.
Korgrim: You mean...off the wall? Oh, no. We chisled out the shadows before filling them with pigment. They're part of the wall.
Owlet: You're kidding, right? No relief from the bas relief...
Page: You still haven't said anything about the colours, Uncle.
Owlet: Do I really need to? Hmm...er...oh, how clever! Potential intruders will think the walls covered in Yellow Mould and Green Slime! I didn't worry about them creeping across them to murder me in my sleep.
Korgrim: Enough quips, Friend Owlet! Tell me, how do you really feel about your new tower?
Owlet: [to page] Blind me again. Please.
Next on Rotating Towers: Dovecote, or, Is there such a thing as too much white?
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