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Mar. 24th, 2011 11:13 am
Piss off, Old Man Winter!
I looked out the window of the shuttle this morning and saw the sunlight glittering on the waves...
...hundreds of metres from shore. In one spot.
Everywhere else, the Lake was grey and choppy, like it's been for days. There was sunlight streaming faintly in the windows when I got up this morning and I briefly hoped for a break from the chill and bluster. But then I saw![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
aadroma's status update about having to haul out the "dirty winter coat" again and kissed that notion goodbye. Still, I didn't weaken. I came here wearing the same trench I've had on all week (albeit with a lining inside and three layers underneath). Icy bits of snow had collected in spots on the ground, but there were puddles as well. So far, the spring shoots are showing no ill effects from the freeze, but the longer it lasts the more I worry for them.
Rubeus insisted on giving me a ride home last night. I refused twice, since I didn't want him driving bleary on icy roads, but gave in when I realised that he was angling for a chance to talk with me without ottr4bear glowering from across the room. I think I've gone on record here saying that acknowledging what we mean to each other usually makes him squirrelly, but he spoke very tenderly about how much he misses me. At the same time, he sounded realistic about what renewing the friendship will entail--not least of all because we didn't know what the GWO's reaction would be.
I'm wondering how much I should've tried to explain ottr4bear's point of view to him when he came up for his snack last night and how much I should've held off and let him speak for himself. It's hard to present someone's arguments sympathetically when you yourself don't really understand them or agree with them. I'm still hoping that most of the negativity that spewed up was directed at me (and particularly my "dick move" of simply showing up on their doorstep with no warning) and that much of the rest was defensiveness that he'll be able to let go of once we see that we're not as angry and resentful as he seems to have expected.
Honestly, I do think a lot of the hostility comes from his disappointment with himself at having let us down during the Old Man's convalescence. No matter how much bitterness there was in Nuphy's family after his divorce (and his ex-wife was plenty bitter), they all came to see him in the hospital. Rubeus and ottr say they don't remember receiving an invite tomonshu's recovery party, but I can't imagine leaving them off it, not after including them on his periodic health updates. Moreover, I'm puzzled why they though they needed to wait for an explicit invitation in the first place. I wouldn't have.
Whatever, that was then,monshu and I don't waste time brooding about it now. ottr4bear was surprised by my lack of anger, but any anger I had at the situation I let go of over a year ago. He's still holding onto his, however, and that means we'll have to take out these old resentments and deal with them whether we want to or not.
...hundreds of metres from shore. In one spot.
Everywhere else, the Lake was grey and choppy, like it's been for days. There was sunlight streaming faintly in the windows when I got up this morning and I briefly hoped for a break from the chill and bluster. But then I saw
aadroma's status update about having to haul out the "dirty winter coat" again and kissed that notion goodbye. Still, I didn't weaken. I came here wearing the same trench I've had on all week (albeit with a lining inside and three layers underneath). Icy bits of snow had collected in spots on the ground, but there were puddles as well. So far, the spring shoots are showing no ill effects from the freeze, but the longer it lasts the more I worry for them.Rubeus insisted on giving me a ride home last night. I refused twice, since I didn't want him driving bleary on icy roads, but gave in when I realised that he was angling for a chance to talk with me without ottr4bear glowering from across the room. I think I've gone on record here saying that acknowledging what we mean to each other usually makes him squirrelly, but he spoke very tenderly about how much he misses me. At the same time, he sounded realistic about what renewing the friendship will entail--not least of all because we didn't know what the GWO's reaction would be.
I'm wondering how much I should've tried to explain ottr4bear's point of view to him when he came up for his snack last night and how much I should've held off and let him speak for himself. It's hard to present someone's arguments sympathetically when you yourself don't really understand them or agree with them. I'm still hoping that most of the negativity that spewed up was directed at me (and particularly my "dick move" of simply showing up on their doorstep with no warning) and that much of the rest was defensiveness that he'll be able to let go of once we see that we're not as angry and resentful as he seems to have expected.
Honestly, I do think a lot of the hostility comes from his disappointment with himself at having let us down during the Old Man's convalescence. No matter how much bitterness there was in Nuphy's family after his divorce (and his ex-wife was plenty bitter), they all came to see him in the hospital. Rubeus and ottr say they don't remember receiving an invite to
monshu's recovery party, but I can't imagine leaving them off it, not after including them on his periodic health updates. Moreover, I'm puzzled why they though they needed to wait for an explicit invitation in the first place. I wouldn't have.Whatever, that was then,
monshu and I don't waste time brooding about it now. ottr4bear was surprised by my lack of anger, but any anger I had at the situation I let go of over a year ago. He's still holding onto his, however, and that means we'll have to take out these old resentments and deal with them whether we want to or not.