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Well, I've lost my last grandparent. Something tells me I don't get another set.
Compared to my uncle, the circumstances could hardly be more different. To say it was expected would be an understatement--it was positively longed for. During the visit to her final resting place two weeks ago, her children were practically placing bets on how soon she'd be there. What's unexpected is that she made it this long. She hadn't left her house in almost two years and just getting her to turn over in her bed was a struggle. The description of what she went through trying to remember my brother the last time he visited was so harrowing that I talked my mother out of taking me to see her during my last (scheduled) visit to STL. I told Mom, "I'm perfectly willing to see her if that's what you want, but I'd be doing it for you, not for her and not for myself." To her credit, she examined her feelings, saw that the benefit wouldn't be worth upsetting the frail old woman, and left me at home to clean instead.
So when she told me this morning that it was entirely up to me whether or not to come in, I know she meant it. As you may have guessed, I'm not inclined to. I don't need the service to convince me that she's dead and assist my own grieving process; I don't think my mother needs that either and I can comfort her as effectively from here as I could over a couple days in town. She is the one I'm most worried about now given that she had so much invested in caring for grandma. On the one hand, it's a tremendous burden lifted; I feel like she's getting her own life back. On the other hand, it was the only thing consistently getting her out of the house during the funk she's been in since her baby brother died.
Speaking of which, we just took care of timesheets for the last two weeks yesterday and I was informed in no uncertain terms that I couldn't use funeral leave for an uncle. Apparently, it covers all sorts of convoluted relationships like step-brother-in-law, but not something so basic. Had I know this is how things were going to work out, I would've written in "grandmother" instead.
Compared to my uncle, the circumstances could hardly be more different. To say it was expected would be an understatement--it was positively longed for. During the visit to her final resting place two weeks ago, her children were practically placing bets on how soon she'd be there. What's unexpected is that she made it this long. She hadn't left her house in almost two years and just getting her to turn over in her bed was a struggle. The description of what she went through trying to remember my brother the last time he visited was so harrowing that I talked my mother out of taking me to see her during my last (scheduled) visit to STL. I told Mom, "I'm perfectly willing to see her if that's what you want, but I'd be doing it for you, not for her and not for myself." To her credit, she examined her feelings, saw that the benefit wouldn't be worth upsetting the frail old woman, and left me at home to clean instead.
So when she told me this morning that it was entirely up to me whether or not to come in, I know she meant it. As you may have guessed, I'm not inclined to. I don't need the service to convince me that she's dead and assist my own grieving process; I don't think my mother needs that either and I can comfort her as effectively from here as I could over a couple days in town. She is the one I'm most worried about now given that she had so much invested in caring for grandma. On the one hand, it's a tremendous burden lifted; I feel like she's getting her own life back. On the other hand, it was the only thing consistently getting her out of the house during the funk she's been in since her baby brother died.
Speaking of which, we just took care of timesheets for the last two weeks yesterday and I was informed in no uncertain terms that I couldn't use funeral leave for an uncle. Apparently, it covers all sorts of convoluted relationships like step-brother-in-law, but not something so basic. Had I know this is how things were going to work out, I would've written in "grandmother" instead.
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