A big thanks, or, Wo tai mafan nimen!

So much to say, it's hard to know where to start. I kept notes (especially on food, of course) and outlined several entries in my head, but I don't know that I feel up to starting any of those right now. But I can answer basic questions.

1. How did things go? Quite smooth overall. The travel agency took care of all our basic arrangements, so housing and transport were hassle-free. On days when we had a tour, we were met by a guide and driver. They even escorted us to the airports (we had three domestic flights as part of our package) and saw to getting us checked in, so the worse I can complain about was taking Hainan Airways (avoid them if you can). On free days, we took the advice of a friendly Aussie I met at Big Chicks and rode cabs everywhere. (The most expensive--hotel to Beijing International--clocked in at ¥127 or $17--roughly half the price of a cab from O'Hare to monshu's; we went clear across central Beijing [Guang'anmen to Sanlitun] for $7.)
2. How well could I communicate? Not very. Well, that's my opinion; monshu was more bullish about my abilities. From a purely transactional perspective, I suppose we were highly successful: It's hard to recall any need or earnest desire that wasn't met. However, I ascribe this more than anything to the incredible patience, persistence, and willingness to accommodate of the ordinary Chinese we dealt with, to whom I am eternally grateful. I can't remember a single time someone else ended our interchange in disgust or frustration; sometimes an employee would hand me over to someone else in desperation, but if anyone ever walked away or gave up completely it was yours truly. (I was really stuck for a good simple phrase which meant "Never mind" in order to defuse an attempt to help which had gone on too long; méi shì(r) seemed to work, but it took me quite a while to stumble upon it.) This includes everyone from hotel workers to cabbies and strangers on the street. (Mull that for a bit: What would the comparable experience of a Chinese man speaking the local language terribly in your city be?) Our only truly negative experience was not with a native Chinese at all, but a snotty self-righteous Canadian-Chinese princess.
3. What did you eat? Anything we could. We ate in chichi restaurants; we ate street food. We pigged out on lavish restaurant breakfasts and survived on mediocre (but still better than I feared) cruise ship buffets. We ate ox gall, bee pupae, and bamboo worms--and that's just at one meal! We ate Peking duck, Wuhan grass carp, Xi'an mutton soup, and Yunnanese cheese. I'm not sure what the package meals cost, but I don't remember spending more than ¥220 ($30) for any meal on our own; dinner our last night didn't even crack ¥20. But I haven't answered the one question you really want to ask: Did we eat penis? Stay tuned to find out!

Wrongest Candy Ever

Wrong flavours of Pretz (a form of Pocky) seen at the Beijing International duty-free store:

1. 北京烤鸭 (Peking Duck)
2. 广东鱼翅 (Canton Shark's Fin)
3. 四川麻辣 (Sichuan Spicy Sauce)
4. 上海蟹 (Shanghai Crab)

Why I did not buy any of them: Because I knew of something far wronger available at Incheon International--

kimchi chocolate.

PSA

Oh, and just so as you know, although I am reading some older entries as I putter around on LJ today, recovering from another staggering attack of jet lag (monshu and I were feeling just fine this morning, but in retrospect that must be because it was really our evening), I've got no intention of trying to catch up on all 1,495,071 I missed while abroad. (Personally, I consider this a feature of the vacation, not a bug.) So if there's something where you thought, Hey, Da really ought to know about this or I'd love to hear what Da says about this post, feel free to provide a pointer and I'll blindly follow it. Otherwise, we start afresh.