Dec. 13th, 2025 06:00 pm
Who are you to me, who am I to you?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
muckefuckTime for another relationship update!
We're now using the term "boyfriend". Although we're not Facebook Official™, we're official enough that I told my mom the last time I called. Bunj already knew--I let him in less than month into things, swearing him to absolute secrecy. ("You're the only one I've told, so if she finds out, I'll know it was from you.") She surprised me by asking if he'd be coming to her birthday party in January. Sorry, Mom, but I love that man too much to subject him to your family.
I'm kind of torn between settling into something of a pattern--what's even the point of being in a steady relationship if it doesn't come with a certain amount of predictability?--and fighting to keep things from becoming too routine too quickly. We're still mainly doing stuff just the two of us, though we did have a nice double date with Clint and his man recently. And he took the night off again so that he could come to the last cocktail night, where I pressed him into service making drinks. ("Are you putting me to work, sir? On my day off?")
Complicating things is the fact that, not only is he working in the suburbs, but he's living there now too. Tired of the long commute, he got an AirBnB for a month a couple of towns over. When that runs out, he's planning to move in with one of his regulars, who has a mansion within walking distance of the restaurant. He's still eager to spend the two hours on the train to come up and see me, but at some point I expect he'll want me to share the pain a bit.
He says what he loves most about me is that I make him feel good about himself, which makes me a little sad. I told him that what I love most about him is how devoted he is, which kind of annoyed him. I mean, I'm not sure how else to put it. Yes, this is an unequal relationship. He's overjoyed to be dating me whereas I'm just joyed. That's not a small thing! And yet there's no getting around the fact that I've had the great romance of my life already and this is simply gravy. I don't think either of us is nursing any illusions, but it's always hard to say that when things are going well. It's when you hit the rocks that you discover what your deepest hopes and aspirations actually were. I think that losing him would hurt but wouldn't be as bitter as the disappointment around BB, but I could well be completely wrong.
I also have to fess up to a certain amount of FOMO. Naturally I'm looking at the opportunities around me with a bit of chagrin--where were you a year ago! Just a few weeks ago, I met another younger transplant. Chatting him up left me with the impression that he wasn't really into me, but then the next day there was a friend request on social media and, slowly but surely, our messages increased in flirtiness to the point where we're having a date of sorts tomorrow while the AOC is meeting up with an old friend. How many more are there out there like him?
Exclusiveness is off the table for me; I've told him that and he accepts it. But how that actually works in practice is a tricky question. Monshu and I tried out a number of different arrangements and none of them ever worked perfectly. Do I really have the energy for bona fide polyamory? So many unknowns still to navigate.
We're now using the term "boyfriend". Although we're not Facebook Official™, we're official enough that I told my mom the last time I called. Bunj already knew--I let him in less than month into things, swearing him to absolute secrecy. ("You're the only one I've told, so if she finds out, I'll know it was from you.") She surprised me by asking if he'd be coming to her birthday party in January. Sorry, Mom, but I love that man too much to subject him to your family.
I'm kind of torn between settling into something of a pattern--what's even the point of being in a steady relationship if it doesn't come with a certain amount of predictability?--and fighting to keep things from becoming too routine too quickly. We're still mainly doing stuff just the two of us, though we did have a nice double date with Clint and his man recently. And he took the night off again so that he could come to the last cocktail night, where I pressed him into service making drinks. ("Are you putting me to work, sir? On my day off?")
Complicating things is the fact that, not only is he working in the suburbs, but he's living there now too. Tired of the long commute, he got an AirBnB for a month a couple of towns over. When that runs out, he's planning to move in with one of his regulars, who has a mansion within walking distance of the restaurant. He's still eager to spend the two hours on the train to come up and see me, but at some point I expect he'll want me to share the pain a bit.
He says what he loves most about me is that I make him feel good about himself, which makes me a little sad. I told him that what I love most about him is how devoted he is, which kind of annoyed him. I mean, I'm not sure how else to put it. Yes, this is an unequal relationship. He's overjoyed to be dating me whereas I'm just joyed. That's not a small thing! And yet there's no getting around the fact that I've had the great romance of my life already and this is simply gravy. I don't think either of us is nursing any illusions, but it's always hard to say that when things are going well. It's when you hit the rocks that you discover what your deepest hopes and aspirations actually were. I think that losing him would hurt but wouldn't be as bitter as the disappointment around BB, but I could well be completely wrong.
I also have to fess up to a certain amount of FOMO. Naturally I'm looking at the opportunities around me with a bit of chagrin--where were you a year ago! Just a few weeks ago, I met another younger transplant. Chatting him up left me with the impression that he wasn't really into me, but then the next day there was a friend request on social media and, slowly but surely, our messages increased in flirtiness to the point where we're having a date of sorts tomorrow while the AOC is meeting up with an old friend. How many more are there out there like him?
Exclusiveness is off the table for me; I've told him that and he accepts it. But how that actually works in practice is a tricky question. Monshu and I tried out a number of different arrangements and none of them ever worked perfectly. Do I really have the energy for bona fide polyamory? So many unknowns still to navigate.
Tags: