May. 6th, 2024 02:41 pm
Slut update: Baffling boys
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muckefuckIt is amusing how much my taste in men overlaps with that of my Chilean bestie. And now that he's free to play without his husband and we're on the same app, the pool of men we've both slept with is only growing. It's convenient, since I was already going to him for dating advice and now he's likely to have additional insight into the personalities involved.
I needed that after what happened yesterday. First a little background: This boy (he's 29) and I began chatting about a month ago. We seemed to hit it off, but he's a grad student who's begun looking for work so scheduling time together has been tricky. Finally, a week ago Saturday, we were able to make it work. It was an afternoon filled with lovely surprises and if I'd made a post the Monday after that, it would have been very different to this one.
Things went so well, in fact, that he immediately proposed another meet-up and I immediately accepted. He proposed the Sunday after my cocktail night; I warned him I might be a bit listless and tired but he wasn't overly concerned. We kept chatting during the week. Then early Sunday afternoon, as I was struggling to get out of bed for the second time that day, he texted to confirm.
So far, so good. As I was running late, I messaged him once the bus had pulled away from the stop to let him know I was on the way. Next thing I know, he hits me with this: "I fear I'm not in much of a sexy mood today unfortunately Hopefully that doesn't bother".
Reader, how would you have reacted?
I was torn. On the one hand, you could read it in a quite flattering light: Even though I'm not up for it, I still want to spend time with you. And the truth is we enjoyed ourselves as much outside of the bed as in it last time. On the other, we met on a hookup app and this is only our second meeting. Perhaps he's interested in being FWB but we're not friends yet. So why exactly and I riding a bus an hour across town on a beautiful day just to sip tequila and shoot the shit? I could have walked five minutes to a purely platonic friend's house in the neighbourhood and had the same experience. And why is waiting until just after I've fully committed to coming to him instead of giving me more warning in case I'd rather reschedule?
I didn't say any of these things. I didn't even ask for clarification. I decided it would be best just to follow through with it and see how things played out. Maybe he meant he wasn't up for bottoming, but he'd be fine with cuddling. And there are many reasons to be not in a "sexy mood". Maybe he wasn't feeling well, like the boy who cancelled the previous Sunday due to tummy trouble. It would seem churlish to cancel under those circumstances.
As it turns out, "not in much of a sexy mood" means "I don't want to be touched." And he speculated that the reason he felt that way--and had the day before as well--was that he'd hooked up with someone else early on Friday. I can't fault that per se--I spent my lunch break on Thursday getting a bj after all. But I knew that wouldn't interfere with having fun on Sunday. Early Sunday morning, in fact, one of the cocktail guests who crashed over tried to get something started with me and I held off. And for what?
I did my best to put aside my disappointment and enjoy the afternoon for what it was. And it was enjoyable--like before, we chatted and joked. But without the physical aspect, it all felt diminished. In my moody post-party state, I couldn't decide if I was being too selfish, so I checked in with my bestie (who's fooled around with the same guy) and another veteran of the scene, just for good measure. They both validated my feelings of being somewhat hard done by. My Chilean friend, looking for some explanation, even asked, "Is it possible he forgot about the date?"
Now we have a good two weeks before we could possibly get back together. I'm not sure I want to. At the very least, I'm going to make quite clear in advance what the expectations are AND I think it's high time he travelled to me for a change. Hearing me rhapsodise about our first afternoon together, my friend told me, "You two should date." That's not appealing now.
I needed that after what happened yesterday. First a little background: This boy (he's 29) and I began chatting about a month ago. We seemed to hit it off, but he's a grad student who's begun looking for work so scheduling time together has been tricky. Finally, a week ago Saturday, we were able to make it work. It was an afternoon filled with lovely surprises and if I'd made a post the Monday after that, it would have been very different to this one.
Things went so well, in fact, that he immediately proposed another meet-up and I immediately accepted. He proposed the Sunday after my cocktail night; I warned him I might be a bit listless and tired but he wasn't overly concerned. We kept chatting during the week. Then early Sunday afternoon, as I was struggling to get out of bed for the second time that day, he texted to confirm.
So far, so good. As I was running late, I messaged him once the bus had pulled away from the stop to let him know I was on the way. Next thing I know, he hits me with this: "I fear I'm not in much of a sexy mood today unfortunately Hopefully that doesn't bother".
Reader, how would you have reacted?
I was torn. On the one hand, you could read it in a quite flattering light: Even though I'm not up for it, I still want to spend time with you. And the truth is we enjoyed ourselves as much outside of the bed as in it last time. On the other, we met on a hookup app and this is only our second meeting. Perhaps he's interested in being FWB but we're not friends yet. So why exactly and I riding a bus an hour across town on a beautiful day just to sip tequila and shoot the shit? I could have walked five minutes to a purely platonic friend's house in the neighbourhood and had the same experience. And why is waiting until just after I've fully committed to coming to him instead of giving me more warning in case I'd rather reschedule?
I didn't say any of these things. I didn't even ask for clarification. I decided it would be best just to follow through with it and see how things played out. Maybe he meant he wasn't up for bottoming, but he'd be fine with cuddling. And there are many reasons to be not in a "sexy mood". Maybe he wasn't feeling well, like the boy who cancelled the previous Sunday due to tummy trouble. It would seem churlish to cancel under those circumstances.
As it turns out, "not in much of a sexy mood" means "I don't want to be touched." And he speculated that the reason he felt that way--and had the day before as well--was that he'd hooked up with someone else early on Friday. I can't fault that per se--I spent my lunch break on Thursday getting a bj after all. But I knew that wouldn't interfere with having fun on Sunday. Early Sunday morning, in fact, one of the cocktail guests who crashed over tried to get something started with me and I held off. And for what?
I did my best to put aside my disappointment and enjoy the afternoon for what it was. And it was enjoyable--like before, we chatted and joked. But without the physical aspect, it all felt diminished. In my moody post-party state, I couldn't decide if I was being too selfish, so I checked in with my bestie (who's fooled around with the same guy) and another veteran of the scene, just for good measure. They both validated my feelings of being somewhat hard done by. My Chilean friend, looking for some explanation, even asked, "Is it possible he forgot about the date?"
Now we have a good two weeks before we could possibly get back together. I'm not sure I want to. At the very least, I'm going to make quite clear in advance what the expectations are AND I think it's high time he travelled to me for a change. Hearing me rhapsodise about our first afternoon together, my friend told me, "You two should date." That's not appealing now.
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Then I turned 30 and yep, he was right. Big difference.