Feb. 17th, 2024 04:57 pm
The year thus far
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muckefuckSo we got off to an odd and unpromising start when I woke up shivering non New Year's Day despite having just slept in a brand-new set of the thickest and warmest flannel sheets I've ever owned. That led to temperature check which led to a COVID test which led to staying home and isolating for two weeks. Then literally my first day back at work, I caught a head cold that knocked me down for several more days. Things went better after that, though I am just getting over a sore throat that threatened to wreck Mardi Gras and Valentine's Day for me.
Not that I had any great plans. Tuesday night, I went over to JR's to see Saltburn so I could finally participate in the discourse. I'd been fascinated with it since the first trailers but I didn't expect it to receive such mainstream attention so I was in no hurry to see it. I did a decent job of avoiding spoilers but they still managed to suck a bit of the enjoyment out of it. Like many, I was also disappointed by the ending, which seemed to undermine the story and the development of the main character, making both less ambiguous and interesting.
This was my second time this year hanging with JR in a low-key sort of way. The first time came after the memorial for ChefBearItalia. I stayed until the end, hoping maybe my friends would invite me back to hang out with them for a bit, but they didn't and I started heading back. Realising that Clint was not likely to be very interactive that evening and not wanting to stew alone, I reached out to JR and invited myself over. We rewatched Barbie, ate a little dinner, I called my mom for her birthday and then went home.
It was exactly the kind of intimate unstructured time I've wanted with him since we first met. The only thing lacking is some physical intimacy. I'm hoping that eventually he'll relax to the point where he'll accept some friendly cuddling. He has gotten better about that in other contexts (such as a friends' Lunar New Year Party last weekend), but I think one-on-one is harder for him. I particularly worry about him becoming touch-starved once his dog passes away, since his dating life is as quiet as it's ever been.
As for my dating life? It's still very unsettled. Once again, none of the possibilities enumerated in previous posts (plus a couple more which had cropped up since then) have panned out. Overall I'm getting pretty tired of folks telling me, yes, absolutely, they do want to get together and then somehow never making any plans, even though I've been guilty of that myself. The closest I've come to a steady thing is my mustachioed electrician, who seems very chuffed that I've taken to calling him "lover" after we've gotten together two or three times. Unfortunately he's signed up for lots of long hours and overtime in order to make the pots of money he needs for the dream house he wants to build, leaving him with almost no time free to drive the hour each way up here to frolic with me.
So against that background, it was pretty crazy what happened yesterday. First, let me introduce Big Dick Down Low Daddy or BDDLD (not to be confused with Big Dick Rick or any other Big Dicks I might have mentioned here). He showed up out of the blue at Daddy Daycare late last November, having been invited by one of our mutuals. To the extent that I have a type which Monshu was the embodiment of, he was a classic exemplar, a burly bearded white-haired daddy with a big smile and roving hands. He convinced me to blow him in the restroom after refusing to give me his number and I impulsively asked him to ditch the Daddies and come back with me, which he did.
It was a lot of fun, though not as much as it would have been if we hadn't both been fairly loaded. Fortunately, we got a rematch the next day when he came back to retrieve the cap he'd left behind. At the time he told me he was usually "one and done" (presumably to avoid getting too attached to anyone). So I'd filed away the bonus session as a fluke owing to unusual circumstances. He mentioned he'd try to come to a future event and I joked about him making his way through our circle of daddy-chasers like a new illness. I didn't abandon all hope of getting with him again, but I didn't consider it especially likely either.
Then, a couple weeks ago, he came down again. I hadn't been feeling great and was planning on a quiet night in when he texted and asked if I was coming to the meetup. My response was swift: "I guess I am now." This time we didn't even make it to the bathroom and I was probably present all of 30 minutes before we left together. I joked that it would have made much more sense for him to stop by on his way into town instead.
So when yesterday I saw a phone call from him (via Messenger, our only channel of communication), I thought maybe he proposing just that. He was actually calling just to tell me that he wouldn't be coming down because he had too much to do before leaving for Florida in a week or so for an extended stay that would keep him away until at least April. So why tell me? Because he saw me comment in the group chat, realised all this, and hoped to rendezvous again in two months. "But I started thinking, I'm kind of a one-sided guy, maybe he doesn't want to see me again."
It was kind of touching, after having so many folks tell me they like me and want to be with me and then not follow through to have someone reverse the script and tell me not to expect anything only to then ask, "We are going to see each other again, aren't we?" Will we? Only time will tell. But it gave me a certain warm fuzzy feeling which set the tone for the evening.
So I didn't really care later when, at the gathering, I saw Useless Fuckboi and he studiously ignored me despite having texted only a week earlier inviting me to get a drink with him (and again afterwards to explain that he "needed time with my friend", i.e. date). And I flirted with the cute boy in the ice cream parlour without any real expectation of it leading anywhere (even though we did spend a chunk of today sexting each other and planning a future session). And I took it in stride when a little cutie showed up at my elbow at SoFo and practically begged me to chat him up. A friend asked me today if all this fleeting attention was making me "jaded". I'm not sure that's the word I'd use. I'm trying to enjoy it without expecting anything to come of it--something I was terrible at in my youth and seem to finally have something of a knack for now. Yay, wisdom of age!
Not that I had any great plans. Tuesday night, I went over to JR's to see Saltburn so I could finally participate in the discourse. I'd been fascinated with it since the first trailers but I didn't expect it to receive such mainstream attention so I was in no hurry to see it. I did a decent job of avoiding spoilers but they still managed to suck a bit of the enjoyment out of it. Like many, I was also disappointed by the ending, which seemed to undermine the story and the development of the main character, making both less ambiguous and interesting.
This was my second time this year hanging with JR in a low-key sort of way. The first time came after the memorial for ChefBearItalia. I stayed until the end, hoping maybe my friends would invite me back to hang out with them for a bit, but they didn't and I started heading back. Realising that Clint was not likely to be very interactive that evening and not wanting to stew alone, I reached out to JR and invited myself over. We rewatched Barbie, ate a little dinner, I called my mom for her birthday and then went home.
It was exactly the kind of intimate unstructured time I've wanted with him since we first met. The only thing lacking is some physical intimacy. I'm hoping that eventually he'll relax to the point where he'll accept some friendly cuddling. He has gotten better about that in other contexts (such as a friends' Lunar New Year Party last weekend), but I think one-on-one is harder for him. I particularly worry about him becoming touch-starved once his dog passes away, since his dating life is as quiet as it's ever been.
As for my dating life? It's still very unsettled. Once again, none of the possibilities enumerated in previous posts (plus a couple more which had cropped up since then) have panned out. Overall I'm getting pretty tired of folks telling me, yes, absolutely, they do want to get together and then somehow never making any plans, even though I've been guilty of that myself. The closest I've come to a steady thing is my mustachioed electrician, who seems very chuffed that I've taken to calling him "lover" after we've gotten together two or three times. Unfortunately he's signed up for lots of long hours and overtime in order to make the pots of money he needs for the dream house he wants to build, leaving him with almost no time free to drive the hour each way up here to frolic with me.
So against that background, it was pretty crazy what happened yesterday. First, let me introduce Big Dick Down Low Daddy or BDDLD (not to be confused with Big Dick Rick or any other Big Dicks I might have mentioned here). He showed up out of the blue at Daddy Daycare late last November, having been invited by one of our mutuals. To the extent that I have a type which Monshu was the embodiment of, he was a classic exemplar, a burly bearded white-haired daddy with a big smile and roving hands. He convinced me to blow him in the restroom after refusing to give me his number and I impulsively asked him to ditch the Daddies and come back with me, which he did.
It was a lot of fun, though not as much as it would have been if we hadn't both been fairly loaded. Fortunately, we got a rematch the next day when he came back to retrieve the cap he'd left behind. At the time he told me he was usually "one and done" (presumably to avoid getting too attached to anyone). So I'd filed away the bonus session as a fluke owing to unusual circumstances. He mentioned he'd try to come to a future event and I joked about him making his way through our circle of daddy-chasers like a new illness. I didn't abandon all hope of getting with him again, but I didn't consider it especially likely either.
Then, a couple weeks ago, he came down again. I hadn't been feeling great and was planning on a quiet night in when he texted and asked if I was coming to the meetup. My response was swift: "I guess I am now." This time we didn't even make it to the bathroom and I was probably present all of 30 minutes before we left together. I joked that it would have made much more sense for him to stop by on his way into town instead.
So when yesterday I saw a phone call from him (via Messenger, our only channel of communication), I thought maybe he proposing just that. He was actually calling just to tell me that he wouldn't be coming down because he had too much to do before leaving for Florida in a week or so for an extended stay that would keep him away until at least April. So why tell me? Because he saw me comment in the group chat, realised all this, and hoped to rendezvous again in two months. "But I started thinking, I'm kind of a one-sided guy, maybe he doesn't want to see me again."
It was kind of touching, after having so many folks tell me they like me and want to be with me and then not follow through to have someone reverse the script and tell me not to expect anything only to then ask, "We are going to see each other again, aren't we?" Will we? Only time will tell. But it gave me a certain warm fuzzy feeling which set the tone for the evening.
So I didn't really care later when, at the gathering, I saw Useless Fuckboi and he studiously ignored me despite having texted only a week earlier inviting me to get a drink with him (and again afterwards to explain that he "needed time with my friend", i.e. date). And I flirted with the cute boy in the ice cream parlour without any real expectation of it leading anywhere (even though we did spend a chunk of today sexting each other and planning a future session). And I took it in stride when a little cutie showed up at my elbow at SoFo and practically begged me to chat him up. A friend asked me today if all this fleeting attention was making me "jaded". I'm not sure that's the word I'd use. I'm trying to enjoy it without expecting anything to come of it--something I was terrible at in my youth and seem to finally have something of a knack for now. Yay, wisdom of age!