Jan. 29th, 2022 03:15 pm
Try Again Tomorrow
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muckefuckThis was intended to be a somewhat lighthearted post about my misadventures with men, inspired by a week that features two strikingly similar online encountres with radically different outcomes. Unfortunately, I'm anything but lighthearted today. This isn't a full-on griefstorm like I had several weeks ago, but it's an unwelcome return to the former landscape of my life when most every Saturday was a lost day.
As I've explained it countless times at this point, Saturday is the day when it's least possible to escape the cold fact of the absence of Monshu. I did spend some time preoccupied with BB, who I might see tonight purely as a "friend" (though I'm increasingly being forced to acknowledge that what he considers "being a friend" has little to do with what I need from one), but I realised that's just my emotional defences trying to fill up the gaping emotional void with whatever's handy.
With any luck, the worst of it will pass before evening, I'll go out for a bit after more than a month of isolation and start adding to my dangerously depleted store of Humanity Points, and tomorrow I'll be able to make another attempt. And if I don't, you'll know the blue meanies got me.
As I've explained it countless times at this point, Saturday is the day when it's least possible to escape the cold fact of the absence of Monshu. I did spend some time preoccupied with BB, who I might see tonight purely as a "friend" (though I'm increasingly being forced to acknowledge that what he considers "being a friend" has little to do with what I need from one), but I realised that's just my emotional defences trying to fill up the gaping emotional void with whatever's handy.
With any luck, the worst of it will pass before evening, I'll go out for a bit after more than a month of isolation and start adding to my dangerously depleted store of Humanity Points, and tomorrow I'll be able to make another attempt. And if I don't, you'll know the blue meanies got me.
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