Mar. 6th, 2020 10:38 am
Hot for teacher
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muckefuckSo a funny thing happened at work this week.
One of my colleagues hired a new student worker to work on an ongoing project and asked me to provide some training, as I've done for previous hires in that position. It's not complicated work and he's reasonably bright so he picked it up quickly. To help while away the time as I was sitting in and staying alert for teaching moments, I started chatting with him.
When I started out, I tried very hard not to get too familiar with my students. But over time, the University has encouraged us to take more of an interest in their lives so that we can help intervene if they start to run into problems. The Library too has stressed the educational aspects of our role, as this is often the first paid work for many of them. We're supposed to be teaching them about the world of work in addition to getting them to do some.
Furthermore, he's not actually my employee, he reports to someone else in a different workgroup in a different department. I won't be evaluating him and no one's scrutinising my behaviour for signs of favoritism. Plus he's a grad student, and even if the age difference isn't that great between them and undergrads, there feels like a big gap in terms of maturity.
There's also the fact that he's gay. He never said this, but it was obvious enough even before I asked him his area of study and he told me it was music performance. Baby gays bring out a protective instinct in me that must be a dim echo of what foster parents feel. I try not to prefer them in hiring, but if I do have a queer student, I'll be more likely to drop hints about my personal life. Partly it's modelling ("You can have a fabulous gay life, too!") and partly it's signalling I'm someone they can talk to about issues specific to that experience.
In any case, this is how I ended up asking him about what music he listens to and then sending him links to a few favourite videos. And how I casually mentioned that Oliver Sacks was gay when mentioning that I'm reading his memoirs. It may be what prompted him to ask about my weekend plans. (I mentioned Sunday's wine tasting but not Saturday's Bear Night.)
After work, I went to Sea Ranch for dinner. Waiting for my food (and it did take a while--I don't know what's up with them lately) I opened up Facebook and found I had a new friend request. I expected either another Russian fembot or serial thirst-adder (part of how I prepare myself for disappointment), but it was neither.
I hesitated before adding him. I typically don't even add my colleagues on Facebook. But I searched my memory banks and found a precedent, another grad student in this position who I used to enjoy chatting with and eventually accepted a request from. Plus we do actually have mutual friends from the Chicago bear world, so it's possible I'd be running into him in social situations anyhow.
I did not expect him to begin messaging me immediately after the ad and I certainly didn't expect him to start flirting. Perhaps sensing my reticence, he asked, "Is flirty okay?" I told him it was fine outside of work hours but I'm still not 100% okay with it. He's cute enough that I can see making out with him if we were drunk at a party but not worth complicating my work life for. Hopefully I'm only a passing fancy for him and we'll settle down to being just buds, the way me and Burly Bear are.
One of my colleagues hired a new student worker to work on an ongoing project and asked me to provide some training, as I've done for previous hires in that position. It's not complicated work and he's reasonably bright so he picked it up quickly. To help while away the time as I was sitting in and staying alert for teaching moments, I started chatting with him.
When I started out, I tried very hard not to get too familiar with my students. But over time, the University has encouraged us to take more of an interest in their lives so that we can help intervene if they start to run into problems. The Library too has stressed the educational aspects of our role, as this is often the first paid work for many of them. We're supposed to be teaching them about the world of work in addition to getting them to do some.
Furthermore, he's not actually my employee, he reports to someone else in a different workgroup in a different department. I won't be evaluating him and no one's scrutinising my behaviour for signs of favoritism. Plus he's a grad student, and even if the age difference isn't that great between them and undergrads, there feels like a big gap in terms of maturity.
There's also the fact that he's gay. He never said this, but it was obvious enough even before I asked him his area of study and he told me it was music performance. Baby gays bring out a protective instinct in me that must be a dim echo of what foster parents feel. I try not to prefer them in hiring, but if I do have a queer student, I'll be more likely to drop hints about my personal life. Partly it's modelling ("You can have a fabulous gay life, too!") and partly it's signalling I'm someone they can talk to about issues specific to that experience.
In any case, this is how I ended up asking him about what music he listens to and then sending him links to a few favourite videos. And how I casually mentioned that Oliver Sacks was gay when mentioning that I'm reading his memoirs. It may be what prompted him to ask about my weekend plans. (I mentioned Sunday's wine tasting but not Saturday's Bear Night.)
After work, I went to Sea Ranch for dinner. Waiting for my food (and it did take a while--I don't know what's up with them lately) I opened up Facebook and found I had a new friend request. I expected either another Russian fembot or serial thirst-adder (part of how I prepare myself for disappointment), but it was neither.
I hesitated before adding him. I typically don't even add my colleagues on Facebook. But I searched my memory banks and found a precedent, another grad student in this position who I used to enjoy chatting with and eventually accepted a request from. Plus we do actually have mutual friends from the Chicago bear world, so it's possible I'd be running into him in social situations anyhow.
I did not expect him to begin messaging me immediately after the ad and I certainly didn't expect him to start flirting. Perhaps sensing my reticence, he asked, "Is flirty okay?" I told him it was fine outside of work hours but I'm still not 100% okay with it. He's cute enough that I can see making out with him if we were drunk at a party but not worth complicating my work life for. Hopefully I'm only a passing fancy for him and we'll settle down to being just buds, the way me and Burly Bear are.