Dec. 20th, 2019 05:39 pm
A bolt from the blue
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muckefuckWell to say that was unexpected would be a major understatement.
I came here to bitch about how tired I am of this old meatsack I'm carrying around. But since I never seem to be able to concentrate on one thing any more, I also had a tab open for FB. And I suddenly heard from someone who I'd just about given up all hope for.
But first, let's go back more than two-and-a-half years. My first IML Weekend after Monshu's passing. It was single-handedly saved by someone I call Flying Pig, the sweetest daddy from Texas who snapped me out of a funk and reminded me again what it's like to be infatuated. We kept in touch over the summer via Messenger. In September he got married and as a gift I made donations in his name to his favourite charities.
Then nothing.
It wasn't quite a ghosting. We remained FB friends. But he completely stopped viewing my messages, let alone responding to them. I paced them out, occasionally sending a greeting or a song every couple of months. It became a strange exercise, a willingness to cling to hope in the face of apparent indifference.
I would have finally given up except that earlier this year I noticed him liking my posts now and again. Never commenting--and still leaving my messages unread. It seemed perverse, but it was a sign he wasn't ready to abandon hope either. Today I noticed that he'd once again liked a photo. I hadn't messaged since May, so I tossed off another simple greeting into the pile.
And--to my utter amazement--he wrote back. Why now and never before? I don't know and I'm not about to press. But he thanked me for keeping the faith and hinted at "dark times". He wants to see me at the next IML. I sent him my number and he sent his.
It could all mean nothing. He could disappear on me again without explanation. But for now I get to treasure the hope that he won't and it's a wonderful feeling.
I came here to bitch about how tired I am of this old meatsack I'm carrying around. But since I never seem to be able to concentrate on one thing any more, I also had a tab open for FB. And I suddenly heard from someone who I'd just about given up all hope for.
But first, let's go back more than two-and-a-half years. My first IML Weekend after Monshu's passing. It was single-handedly saved by someone I call Flying Pig, the sweetest daddy from Texas who snapped me out of a funk and reminded me again what it's like to be infatuated. We kept in touch over the summer via Messenger. In September he got married and as a gift I made donations in his name to his favourite charities.
Then nothing.
It wasn't quite a ghosting. We remained FB friends. But he completely stopped viewing my messages, let alone responding to them. I paced them out, occasionally sending a greeting or a song every couple of months. It became a strange exercise, a willingness to cling to hope in the face of apparent indifference.
I would have finally given up except that earlier this year I noticed him liking my posts now and again. Never commenting--and still leaving my messages unread. It seemed perverse, but it was a sign he wasn't ready to abandon hope either. Today I noticed that he'd once again liked a photo. I hadn't messaged since May, so I tossed off another simple greeting into the pile.
And--to my utter amazement--he wrote back. Why now and never before? I don't know and I'm not about to press. But he thanked me for keeping the faith and hinted at "dark times". He wants to see me at the next IML. I sent him my number and he sent his.
It could all mean nothing. He could disappear on me again without explanation. But for now I get to treasure the hope that he won't and it's a wonderful feeling.
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