Dec. 18th, 2019 11:56 am
Goodnight, Daddykins
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
muckefuckI have to say that the memorial was somewhat disappointing. In retrospect, M's had raised my hopes too high. I wasn't expecting to see much of a turnout for him so I was very pleasantly surprised. Here, on the other hand, we had someone who'd been a significant contributor to the Society for two decades, who was married to a former member of the board of the national governing body, not to mention someone who had taught and mentored hundreds of students at schools in the area. I thought that would bring out more people; I was wrong.
I'm especially disappointed in his family. He has three living siblings, collectively that have at least 20 kids, and not a single one of them bothered to show up--and this despite the fact that he and his wife went to his sister's funeral just last year. (To be fair, both her husband and one of his daughters were intending to come but felt too ill for the 6-hour drive.) His brother sent some remarks to be read (basically a funny story); his sisters, though--no notes, no flowers, nothing. At least now I can skip their obsequies without an iota of guilt.
The saddest thing about the Kansas relatives not coming is that it stranded poor AWI. He has finals this week--he's finishing up his first semester of college--and yet he was still prepared to come. We didn't mean to rely on them but apparently there were no flights within the timeframe we needed (i.e. between his last class Friday evening and the memorial Saturday afternoon). I feel like he's the only of Sis' kids with the maturity to really understand the situation; the others were bored until the reception.
My stepmom's eulogy was, frankly, a mess. It started out well but devolved into a laundry list of her trips with him which made it sound more about her than about him. Hard to imagine she solicited anyone's input or that she'd done much public speaking before. Despite my suggestions, she'd made no attempt to encourage anyone else to speak so when the leader opened the floor for general sharing, she was met with dead air.
At least I can say that the leader did a bang-up job with her remarks. I hadn't expected her to use so much of the material in Dad's autobiography (I was told she'd be speaking about his love of nature) and even began to worry she'd eat my lunch, but I managed to tie my speech in nicely with hers (I hope). Frustratingly, I forgot at least two of my bullet points and ended on what I felt was a weak note.
Afterwards, of course, I was asking myself what I could have done to produce a more satisfactory result. There's lots, of course, and I had to remind myself that it was for my own sanity that I limited my involvement the way I did. My sister eventually made the same decision, but only after a couple very frustrating weeks butting heads with our stepmother. We let her run the show and this is what she felt was adequate.
Honestly, what doesn't feel inadequate in a situation like this? An hour is far too little time to sum up a life and pay tribute to the person that lived it. We'll spend the rest of our lives honouring the contributions he made and the day itself will shrink in importance until I've forgotten this small quibbles.
I'm especially disappointed in his family. He has three living siblings, collectively that have at least 20 kids, and not a single one of them bothered to show up--and this despite the fact that he and his wife went to his sister's funeral just last year. (To be fair, both her husband and one of his daughters were intending to come but felt too ill for the 6-hour drive.) His brother sent some remarks to be read (basically a funny story); his sisters, though--no notes, no flowers, nothing. At least now I can skip their obsequies without an iota of guilt.
The saddest thing about the Kansas relatives not coming is that it stranded poor AWI. He has finals this week--he's finishing up his first semester of college--and yet he was still prepared to come. We didn't mean to rely on them but apparently there were no flights within the timeframe we needed (i.e. between his last class Friday evening and the memorial Saturday afternoon). I feel like he's the only of Sis' kids with the maturity to really understand the situation; the others were bored until the reception.
My stepmom's eulogy was, frankly, a mess. It started out well but devolved into a laundry list of her trips with him which made it sound more about her than about him. Hard to imagine she solicited anyone's input or that she'd done much public speaking before. Despite my suggestions, she'd made no attempt to encourage anyone else to speak so when the leader opened the floor for general sharing, she was met with dead air.
At least I can say that the leader did a bang-up job with her remarks. I hadn't expected her to use so much of the material in Dad's autobiography (I was told she'd be speaking about his love of nature) and even began to worry she'd eat my lunch, but I managed to tie my speech in nicely with hers (I hope). Frustratingly, I forgot at least two of my bullet points and ended on what I felt was a weak note.
Afterwards, of course, I was asking myself what I could have done to produce a more satisfactory result. There's lots, of course, and I had to remind myself that it was for my own sanity that I limited my involvement the way I did. My sister eventually made the same decision, but only after a couple very frustrating weeks butting heads with our stepmother. We let her run the show and this is what she felt was adequate.
Honestly, what doesn't feel inadequate in a situation like this? An hour is far too little time to sum up a life and pay tribute to the person that lived it. We'll spend the rest of our lives honouring the contributions he made and the day itself will shrink in importance until I've forgotten this small quibbles.