Apr. 9th, 2019 02:40 pm
Working it out
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muckefuckSince trying to concentrate on something else isn't working, I'll just type out my thoughts on the affair with Pasillero. I keep hoping we'll settle down to a good place where the sex isn't boring or predictable but the scheduling and my level of emotional involvement are and we keep falling just a bit short.
Last week didn't work out, despite my willingness to be accommodating. Thursday night I was prepared to rush home and spend a couple hours with him before returning to work for our annual late-night event. However, he got food poisoning and had to cancel. He'd originally offered me Friday as an alternative and I'd turned it down because I thought I'd be wiped out. I wasn't, though, and suggested that, if he felt up to it we could get together--not even for sex, just a little cuddle. He agreed...provided his volunteer meeting was over time.
It wasn't, and I was left confused: Did he not remember he had it or did he just not think it would be an issue? At the time, I just shrugged it off and figured I'd ask him next time I saw him. But now that I'm annoyed with him for other reasons (e.g. no texts since Saturday morning) it's nagging at me.
I think the root of issue is that he hates to disappoint me--which is endearing as hell and part of the reason our time together goes so well. The dysfunctional side of that is that it means he puts off telling me when he can't meet up or tries to fit me in sometimes when he's already overscheduled, leading him to cancel last-minute. For me, that's worse than just letting me know ahead of time I have to make other plans for the week.
I also thought we'd be at least occasionally meeting up outside of the bedroom. So far that's only worked out a couple of times and I'm not sure if it's just circumstance or if there's a lack of will (on both our parts) to sustain a friendship in addition to fucking. Some clarity would be nice.
Last week didn't work out, despite my willingness to be accommodating. Thursday night I was prepared to rush home and spend a couple hours with him before returning to work for our annual late-night event. However, he got food poisoning and had to cancel. He'd originally offered me Friday as an alternative and I'd turned it down because I thought I'd be wiped out. I wasn't, though, and suggested that, if he felt up to it we could get together--not even for sex, just a little cuddle. He agreed...provided his volunteer meeting was over time.
It wasn't, and I was left confused: Did he not remember he had it or did he just not think it would be an issue? At the time, I just shrugged it off and figured I'd ask him next time I saw him. But now that I'm annoyed with him for other reasons (e.g. no texts since Saturday morning) it's nagging at me.
I think the root of issue is that he hates to disappoint me--which is endearing as hell and part of the reason our time together goes so well. The dysfunctional side of that is that it means he puts off telling me when he can't meet up or tries to fit me in sometimes when he's already overscheduled, leading him to cancel last-minute. For me, that's worse than just letting me know ahead of time I have to make other plans for the week.
I also thought we'd be at least occasionally meeting up outside of the bedroom. So far that's only worked out a couple of times and I'm not sure if it's just circumstance or if there's a lack of will (on both our parts) to sustain a friendship in addition to fucking. Some clarity would be nice.
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