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muckefuckThe Cleveland trip was a success on many measures, notably the traditional ones. I ate well, stayed in comfort, soaked up culture, and had a lot of sex. It also clarified some aspects of my relationship with Ginger Farmboy: He's infatuated with me and I'm not seriously interested in him.
Being on neutral territory was a help. In Santa Fe, he could play entirely to his strengths, hosting me in his lovely home, driving me around and showing me an exciting new locale. But Cleveland resembles more a little Chicago. Fatally, the setting and the situation was rife with comparisons to similar times with Monshu (who also took me along on one of his conferences)--and GF is no Monshu.
That's part of his appeal, of course; who wants to just relive the same relationship again two decades later? But, alas, some of the ways he doesn't measure up are pretty important to me. He's not that erudite and, possibly, not all that bright. The closest thing we had to an argument was him misinterpreting a comment I made in jest and stubbornly resisting all my attempts to clarify it. I practically had to drag him to the art museum and most of what interested him there I found pretty dull. On our last day together, he seemed to be seriously considering visiting a gay bathhouse.
Admittedly, it could be much more me than him. Not being able to resist recurring thoughts of, "Monshu would have gone there with me. Monshu would have understood that reference. Monshu would have asked for clarification." etc. is pretty clear indication how not over him I am. But he did nothing to recover from the killing blow he gave my infatuation two months back. If anything he only exacerbated it.
At one point, he laundry-listed all of his upcoming trips, concluding with, "Do any of those appeal to you?" Truthfully, not really. I'd like to visit New Orleans, for instance, but not for Southern Decadence. If I'm going to go away for New Year's, LA would not be my first choice. And an ocean cruise has all the appeal to me of being stranded in a resort community in the middle of a golf course.
But, again, having different interests isn't even the real issue. He lamented later that my lack of interest in those trips constituted a lack of interest in a relationship and my reaction was, "So that's what that was?" ProTip: Inviting someone to accompany you on some trips that you conceived of and booked with zero input from them may not be sending the message of mutual respect and inclusion you want.
He's not good at reading me and I'm not good a reading him. He was more interested in sex than letting me sleep. At one point, I was killing time on a park bench when I'd rather have been napping just to avoid having to be in the same room with him. Things got better after that day, but I had to fight off the feeling of being uncomfortably out of sync. Sometimes you just want to cuddle without having to wonder if someone's about to cup your genitals.
So I guess now the question is: Will he settle for something on the FWB spectrum? Three or four days together is fun; we could stretch it a week if I can get him to build in some time apart. I can go places with him that I never could with my man, who didn't drive and didn't hike. That's enough to make a good travelling companion, and I could use a couple of those. Honestly, I'm not sure I need much more than that right now.
Being on neutral territory was a help. In Santa Fe, he could play entirely to his strengths, hosting me in his lovely home, driving me around and showing me an exciting new locale. But Cleveland resembles more a little Chicago. Fatally, the setting and the situation was rife with comparisons to similar times with Monshu (who also took me along on one of his conferences)--and GF is no Monshu.
That's part of his appeal, of course; who wants to just relive the same relationship again two decades later? But, alas, some of the ways he doesn't measure up are pretty important to me. He's not that erudite and, possibly, not all that bright. The closest thing we had to an argument was him misinterpreting a comment I made in jest and stubbornly resisting all my attempts to clarify it. I practically had to drag him to the art museum and most of what interested him there I found pretty dull. On our last day together, he seemed to be seriously considering visiting a gay bathhouse.
Admittedly, it could be much more me than him. Not being able to resist recurring thoughts of, "Monshu would have gone there with me. Monshu would have understood that reference. Monshu would have asked for clarification." etc. is pretty clear indication how not over him I am. But he did nothing to recover from the killing blow he gave my infatuation two months back. If anything he only exacerbated it.
At one point, he laundry-listed all of his upcoming trips, concluding with, "Do any of those appeal to you?" Truthfully, not really. I'd like to visit New Orleans, for instance, but not for Southern Decadence. If I'm going to go away for New Year's, LA would not be my first choice. And an ocean cruise has all the appeal to me of being stranded in a resort community in the middle of a golf course.
But, again, having different interests isn't even the real issue. He lamented later that my lack of interest in those trips constituted a lack of interest in a relationship and my reaction was, "So that's what that was?" ProTip: Inviting someone to accompany you on some trips that you conceived of and booked with zero input from them may not be sending the message of mutual respect and inclusion you want.
He's not good at reading me and I'm not good a reading him. He was more interested in sex than letting me sleep. At one point, I was killing time on a park bench when I'd rather have been napping just to avoid having to be in the same room with him. Things got better after that day, but I had to fight off the feeling of being uncomfortably out of sync. Sometimes you just want to cuddle without having to wonder if someone's about to cup your genitals.
So I guess now the question is: Will he settle for something on the FWB spectrum? Three or four days together is fun; we could stretch it a week if I can get him to build in some time apart. I can go places with him that I never could with my man, who didn't drive and didn't hike. That's enough to make a good travelling companion, and I could use a couple of those. Honestly, I'm not sure I need much more than that right now.
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I think you're right about him.
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("despair" is just my catch-all tag for anything relating to Monshu's passing.)
I think you're right about him.
If he were local, I'd probably try dating him. As I said, he's fun and the mad lust is enjoyable in measured portions. (Moreover I imagine he'd be less thirsty if he lived in a real city and not in a literal and sexual desert.) But long-distance is big hurdle and--as I was telling Mom last night--just embarking on a relationship at all is a significant effort for me now that I'd need to be really head over heels about someone to even consider it.