I don't actually. All I know is how I feel. Initially, both the thought of going down for Christmas and the thought of staying in Chicago made me feel upset. Then I examined those feelings a little more and began to see how they were different. The former was a dread of being treated as poorly this year as I was last year; the latter started out as fear of being alone but became tinged with excitement as I thought more about the possibilities it opened up and less about the known pleasures I was foregoing.
As I said, it could end up being a terrible decision. But worst likely scenario, I'll have learned something about myself that will allow me to make a better decision next time. (I'll be planning to get together with friends, which should serve to arrest any downward emotional spiraling.)
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momijizukamori
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Date: 2017-11-30 05:03 pm (UTC)As I said, it could end up being a terrible decision. But worst likely scenario, I'll have learned something about myself that will allow me to make a better decision next time. (I'll be planning to get together with friends, which should serve to arrest any downward emotional spiraling.)