Darkest

[muckefuck]

They're readmitting monshu and it's for the best. It's been a rough week or so--basically, what I'd expected it to be like when we first took him home and was pleasantly surprised. We thought his weakness and loss of appetite might be a symptom of dehydration, but after having several litres of fluid dripped into him, he hasn't improved at all, so maybe there's something else going on. I just hope we don't find out that his kidney function has gotten worse; one malfunctioning organ at a time is plenty, thanks.

Sunday I just hit the floor. I got out of bed, helped him bathe in bed, then made banana bread. (Or did I make the bread first? I don't remember now.) I got in a brief nap and then I just couldn't motivate myself to do anything. Blondie--who was also in bed--texted me and asked if I wanted to get food. I told him I was going to fix something at home, then get cleaned up to meet with him, but I didn't. I just sat there in the chair. Mom basically had to push me out of the house. "You need a break," she said. And I knew it was true but I just didn't want to leave.

I'm enough of an extrovert that when I do overcome a funk to drag myself out of the house, an hour or so in good company is all it takes to snap me out of it. But that wasn't happening this time. I was sitting in Blondie's room at the Swissôtel enjoying his fantastic view of Lakeshore East (a neighbourhood so new I wasn't even aware it existed) while he sat in his robe, chattering away, and all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball. He had a work mixer to go to and I thought I'd just hide out in the room until he got back, but he talked me into coming along by giving me a key and promising me I could flee whenever I needed to.

I didn't. It took a bit, but the people he introduced me to were so warm and friendly that I stayed. I was so out of my normal routine that all the strain and suffering back home seemed in another world. I finally told him that I needed some dinner and we discovered that Chinatown favourite Ming Hin has an outpost up here. At first we couldn't find it. The map told us it was just on the other side of the park but there was nothing there apart from a Subway and a closed diner. "Maybe it's on the other side," I suggested and we decided to cut through the Mariano's--only to discover it was the anchor tenant of a mini mall with Ming Hin at the top.

If I hadn't seen a steamer being delivered to a table when we entred, I would've thought it an oversight that dim sum menus were being distributed with the regular ones. We ordered one dish from the regular menu (dry-cooked green beans, which I forgot was a Sichuan-style dish; we left most of it uneaten) and filled up on dumplings. Avoiding pork was easier than you might think, but I ended up eating more shrimp than was really wise (which my toe made me aware of yesterday). Blondie and I were chatting away now as if nothing were wrong in the world and he walked me to the el stop afterwards like a gentleman.

But I had to come home again. At least I was happy to have some fun stories of the outside world to tell the Old Man, but he soon shut his eyes and I slipped away so he could sleep. And so I could discuss the state of things with Mom. She's set a "hard deadline" of being back to St Louis by the 15th for her BIL's second wedding. I may just have to take some time off work to allow her to do that.

Comments

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. It's so hard to do what you're doing.