Momma's boys

[muckefuck]

I try really hard not to be judgmental about how my sister raises her kids. I don't know the first thing about doing her job except that I sure as hell couldn't do it. I also try not to make too many comparisons to how I myself was raised. It's tedious. Every time I see one of those self-congratulatory memes circulating about how we were the last generation of "real kids" who weren't hovered over, I wince and turn away. (Worse, I'm remind of Stewart Lee's line about how a whole generation "has confused 'political correctness' with basic health and safety".)

But some of her decisions just astonish me, and none more than her approach to cooking. Today she posted an announcement that her eldest, just shy of his 12th birthday, has finally learned to make his own instant mac'n'cheese. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? By the time I was twelve, I was making real mac'n'cheese from scratch (well, from box macaroni and Velveeta, which represent the convenience foods of the previous generation) for the entire family. I tried to remember how old I was when I was allowed to use the stove, and I can't say for sure except that it was a couple years after we moved back to St Louis. (I distinctly remember boiling hotdogs and frying pancakes--green for St Patrick's day! on the stove in the house on Dale.) I would've been about 8.

Still, the hardest thing to get over is how she is even now playing short-order cook at dinnertime. A couple years back, when they had the kitchen remodeled, she made an attempt to get them to eat all one meal, but seems to have caved almost immediately. (Whether it was because she wasn't willing to accept eating blandly in order not to have to play enforcer every night, I don't know.) I can well understand her not wanting to adopt the draconian eat-it-or-go-hungry tactics of our parents, but surely there must be a better way forward.

After all, they will probably visit again at some point and it would be nice to actually cook for them ourselves instead of having to order in pizza because the little fuckers lack the basic etiquette toaren't used to being asked to eat what's put in front of them.

Comments

[mollyc-q.livejournal.com]

I am sure gender plays a role in how it all goes down. The thing for me to watch will be my youngest nephew - he turns three later this year - the only boy with sisters - or a dynamic to observe in my family. My guess is that my younger brother will involve him in cooking as soon as he is able to, but not before he's 4 or 5 - he might be allowed to stir something.

I can't see my older brother allowing the boys to leave the house without being competent at cooking. But, I don't thinking cooking is part of the routine of chores in any given week. Actually I suspect part of what is at stake is efficiency - they are always shuttling back and forth from school, to Tae Kwon Do and music lessons.... I suspect they are sent off to do homework or practice instead of making dinner. who knows, but this will make for an interesting conversation with both brothers.

Growing up, I was the one with an active interest in food. I read Chicago Magazine restaurant reviews for places to which I had no hope of going. Or, I remember the pre-Trotter dining scene. I was the one checking cook books out of the library - the gendered thing of it was I was the one getting cookbooks as gifts - not my brothers.

mmmm, gender