Aug. 9th, 2012 02:44 pm
Post-colonial fur trade
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muckefuckAlex the Great is a sweet ol' pocket bear I met back in the spring. We got together a couple times--he had me over to watch Taxi zum Klo, we met up to see an exhibit at the Historical Society, he came to a bear brunch at Sather's--and then several weeks went by without me hearing from him. The reason for that became clear at Bear Night last weekend. He ran into me just as I was making awkward conversation with the friend of an ex of a former friend who was visiting from London, and he had a Cute Young Thing in tow. Apparently, back when Alex and I were chatting each other up for the first time, CYT was watching from the shadows and eating his heart out.
So that all worked out well, right? I'm not sure. When I had a chance later to get better acquainted, I found out that in addition to being cute and young, he's also Yemenite with limited English skills. Alex confessed that it was "challenging" for them to find things to do together and he was looking for pursuits that were "more visual". I suggested the annual Ginza Festival this weekend, among other things. Today I followed up, texting Alex to ask whether he and his boy toy would be joining me and mine Saturday morning and he begged off, citing a work commitment for him and CYT's "terrible schedule". "Who's he work for?" I asked. "Another Arab."
Texting is even worse than e-mail for reading tone, but I found that a little brusque. I was only asking because back at the bar Alex had made mention of CYT's "horrible work situation" and the need to find him something better. That set off bells. I mean, all due respect to Alex for wanting to help his love interest better his lot; Judy knows where some of us would be today if we our partners hadn't given us the support and even the shove to make changes. But it's a different dynamic when you're meeting on a more equal basis.
Maybe I'm completely misreading the relationship and it's just my prejudices which make me sense something exploitative. In the brief time I've known him, Alex has impressed me as respectful, sensitive, caring, and aware. He made reference to his own ignorance of Arabic in such a way as to suggest it was a failing that he wished to remedy. In my time, I've seen more wealthy older men taken advantage of by unscrupulous twinks than the other way around. But even the best of intentions don't yield the best of results. I'm pondering contacting Blondie to see whether I could plug CYT into his Gay Arab Underground, but I'm honestly not sure if that's just more well-intentioned interference our Yemeni friend would be better off without.
So that all worked out well, right? I'm not sure. When I had a chance later to get better acquainted, I found out that in addition to being cute and young, he's also Yemenite with limited English skills. Alex confessed that it was "challenging" for them to find things to do together and he was looking for pursuits that were "more visual". I suggested the annual Ginza Festival this weekend, among other things. Today I followed up, texting Alex to ask whether he and his boy toy would be joining me and mine Saturday morning and he begged off, citing a work commitment for him and CYT's "terrible schedule". "Who's he work for?" I asked. "Another Arab."
Texting is even worse than e-mail for reading tone, but I found that a little brusque. I was only asking because back at the bar Alex had made mention of CYT's "horrible work situation" and the need to find him something better. That set off bells. I mean, all due respect to Alex for wanting to help his love interest better his lot; Judy knows where some of us would be today if we our partners hadn't given us the support and even the shove to make changes. But it's a different dynamic when you're meeting on a more equal basis.
Maybe I'm completely misreading the relationship and it's just my prejudices which make me sense something exploitative. In the brief time I've known him, Alex has impressed me as respectful, sensitive, caring, and aware. He made reference to his own ignorance of Arabic in such a way as to suggest it was a failing that he wished to remedy. In my time, I've seen more wealthy older men taken advantage of by unscrupulous twinks than the other way around. But even the best of intentions don't yield the best of results. I'm pondering contacting Blondie to see whether I could plug CYT into his Gay Arab Underground, but I'm honestly not sure if that's just more well-intentioned interference our Yemeni friend would be better off without.
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