muckefuck | Please don't taunt the natives (Reply)

Unca Cecil has words of wisdom for fans of the Redbirds who are Wrigley virgins:

Confession: Even though I live on the north side of Chicago, and go to Cubs games from time to time, I'm a White Sox fan. I'm not a bitter, brooding White Sox fan, however. Why should I be? My team wins the World Series once in a while. This gives me perspective. I know from experience that patience, smarts, and hard work will eventually lead to success. Cards fans know this too. Cubs fans, on the other hand...let's just say history has taught them life is cruel, and that the law of averages is willing to make an exception in their case.

Keep this in mind when visiting Wrigley. All around you will be people aware that, based on what has happened over the past century, there's nothing to look forward to in the next one. It will be tempting to rub this in. You'll be sitting there in your red shirt next to a glum-looking individual in blue, and after a beer or two you'll want to lean over and say, "So, what's it like knowing your team is always going to suck?"

Don't do this. Be nice. When the Cubs are at bat, for example, speak appreciatively of their T-ball-level achievements: "Oh, my. That was a well-hit ball. Too bad it was foul." This will endear you to Cubs fans. Setting aside those who get arrested for disorderly conduct--and when you're as drunk as they are it's hard to land a proper punch--you have nothing to fear from these people. Watching the Cubs has given them an attitude of Hindu-like resignation. Also, let's face it, this is the Midwest, where everyone is kind, well-adjusted, and good-looking. We're not like those misshapen savages on the east coast--I'm thinking of Yankees fans in particular here--who will piss on you in the johns.