I have seen the people upstairs and they are us

[muckefuck]

Poor monshu! He was already tired from a busy day of trying to make the place a bit more homey, and then I come home and dump all over him. I didn't know what else to do--I've been wracked with anxiety for days. Worse, I slept badly last weekend, and not getting enough sleep always magnifies my problems and makes me feel needy and fragile. And that's kind of the heart of the problem.

The floors creak. This isn't news; it was the first objection I raised to the place moments after we set food inside and the only substantial one remaining after we'd whittled our way through the others. Enough people convinced me that between a few finishing nails in the hands of a good carpenter and a carpet runner, the problem could be solved that I went ahead and took the plunge.

I didn't think this all had to be taken care of on the first day, but it turns out I was wrong. You see, the house is laid out so that the kitchen and adjoining deck are on the complete opposite side from the main staircase. The result is that monshu can't step outside to smoke (which he does at least once during the night) or go to the kitchen for a midnight snack or his morning coffee without walking the length of it. And lying in the master bedroom, with my damn hypersensitive ears, I hear every footfall.

Given this, I actually got more winks than I expected, but by Monday morning, I knew I had to retreat to my apartment if I was to sleep through the night. All day, my gut was knotted up as I wondered how to bring this up with the GWO. It doesn't help that he isn't bothered by such things at all. I would give my left nut to sleep as easily as he does. At least bunj gave me the number of their flooring guy and it sounds like he may be coming by Thursday in order to have a look.

And then there's my apartment. Whatever I do with it, it means a hassle. If I put it back on the market, I'll have to do some deep discounting to move it before the season ends and I don't know that I'm ready for that. If I don't, then I need to look into renting it in order to cut my losses while I try to wait out the worst of the slump. Of course, that means I getting my stuff out sooner rather than later. Plus it opens up a whole nother batch of uncertainties and new responsibilities I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with.

By the time I finished unloading all of this (plus some deep-rooted financial anxieties that I don't even want to get into), I was on the verge of tears. Getting it off my chest made me feel better, but the price was that monshu was increasingly morose and taciturn even as I was recovering and trying to play the optimist. I kept looking at him for some confirmation that he wasn't mad at me and everything was going to be all right only to find him staring off into space. I know that he just needs time to come to terms with it all, but that doesn't stop me from feeling bad now.

Not exactly an auspicious beginning to the new life together, is it? At least the Gods of Getting a Grip conspired to shove my nose in the fact that my problems really aren't ones worth mentioning. Within short order, I discovered that one friend lost his job when the store he worked for went under, another lost his job and his dog and is basically barricaded inside his apartment behind a wall of garbage, another had to fly cross-country to save her mother from a complete mental meltdown, and another is--well, let's just say that it's a doozy. As long as monshu is still alive, employed, insured, sane, and healthy, I can deal with a little funk.

Comments

[prilicla.livejournal.com]

Have you tried putting in soft earplugs before you go to bed? lhn uses Hearos, and they seem to help.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

I haven't because I've been having trouble with my left ear. Even the earbuds from my iPod irritate it after less than an hour. I do, however, go to sleep with a pillow over my head (a habit I picked up in my noisy Lincoln Park apartment building).

[mollpeartree.livejournal.com]

I use an electrical fan pointed away from me to mask random sounds from the usually-still-awake princeofcairo. Downside: I find it really hard to fall asleep without it, as when travelling etc.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

One of my neigbours actually gave me a "soothing electric fan" CD that she bought to help her with the drummer upstairs. Haven't tried it out yet.

[his-regard.livejournal.com]

I use liquor.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

That worked until I got the reflux.