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Aug. 1st, 2022 12:54 pm
Here it goes again
Looks like I've managed to collapse the complete heartbreak cycle into a week. Is that progress?
Thursday I met an exciting new guy (or technically remet him, since it came out that we'd met late in 2019 at SoFo). Friday we had our first date and it went swimmingly. We had a really good conversation about where we were coming from and what our expectations were, agreeing that while we were open to dating, neither one of us wanted to rush into anything. Then I went home with him and had a lovely time getting acquainted with him in another way. Saturday and Sunday, we sent each other flirty texts but didn't make any further plans.
Monday he left for a week-long business trip. I was prepared to take a break until he got back, but he kept texting and I kept responding in kind. Wednesday we discussed weekend plans; he said he was free Sunday "but let me check that before I commit". I told him I'd hold the day open. We kept chatting. Sunday dawned without a message from him. I gave him until early afternoon and then sent a text saying I'd decided to go to the beach with friends a few blocks from his house. He replied saying he was "laying low", still recovering from travelling, and told me to enjoy myself.
Nothing bad, right? But I read it as a brushoff and it sent me into a complete tailspin. I showed it to my friends at the beach and they told me I was catastrophising; my friend Benty, who I had dinner with that night, wasn't so sanguine. He told me to hold off contacting him for a while and focus on other things. Damn, how I wish I had the kind of mind. Instead, I have the kind that gets off on speculating wildly.
The most likely explanation, of course, is that he was genuinely tired from travelling. Another possibility--quite compatible with the first--is that after giving things a bit too much gas, he's decided he needs to pump the brakes a bit. The problem I have with either explanation is that there was no reassurance that another meeting is going to happen. So--in order to steel myself for the worst--I've decided that it's all over before it began and I've been fooled yet again.
Is this healthy behaviour? Damned if I know. All I know is that the whole situation is far too reminiscent of what happened with BB and I am double-damned if I'm going down that track again. As soon as I can without sounding too needy or demanding, I'm going to ask him point blank if his feelings have changed so I can adjust mine appropriately. And if the answer is "yes", I'm going to make a real effort not to rehash our interactions endlessly, pondering what I could have done differently, and move on.
Thursday I met an exciting new guy (or technically remet him, since it came out that we'd met late in 2019 at SoFo). Friday we had our first date and it went swimmingly. We had a really good conversation about where we were coming from and what our expectations were, agreeing that while we were open to dating, neither one of us wanted to rush into anything. Then I went home with him and had a lovely time getting acquainted with him in another way. Saturday and Sunday, we sent each other flirty texts but didn't make any further plans.
Monday he left for a week-long business trip. I was prepared to take a break until he got back, but he kept texting and I kept responding in kind. Wednesday we discussed weekend plans; he said he was free Sunday "but let me check that before I commit". I told him I'd hold the day open. We kept chatting. Sunday dawned without a message from him. I gave him until early afternoon and then sent a text saying I'd decided to go to the beach with friends a few blocks from his house. He replied saying he was "laying low", still recovering from travelling, and told me to enjoy myself.
Nothing bad, right? But I read it as a brushoff and it sent me into a complete tailspin. I showed it to my friends at the beach and they told me I was catastrophising; my friend Benty, who I had dinner with that night, wasn't so sanguine. He told me to hold off contacting him for a while and focus on other things. Damn, how I wish I had the kind of mind. Instead, I have the kind that gets off on speculating wildly.
The most likely explanation, of course, is that he was genuinely tired from travelling. Another possibility--quite compatible with the first--is that after giving things a bit too much gas, he's decided he needs to pump the brakes a bit. The problem I have with either explanation is that there was no reassurance that another meeting is going to happen. So--in order to steel myself for the worst--I've decided that it's all over before it began and I've been fooled yet again.
Is this healthy behaviour? Damned if I know. All I know is that the whole situation is far too reminiscent of what happened with BB and I am double-damned if I'm going down that track again. As soon as I can without sounding too needy or demanding, I'm going to ask him point blank if his feelings have changed so I can adjust mine appropriately. And if the answer is "yes", I'm going to make a real effort not to rehash our interactions endlessly, pondering what I could have done differently, and move on.
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