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There was an awkward moment in bed with Pasillero last night. I'd been resting my head on his chest for a while, pondering at least three different conversational gambits before leading with "So, you want to make this a regular thing?"
His face turned worried and I thought I'd stepped in it again. "You know about S., right?"
I almost laughed. After all, I met him and his boyfriend as a couple and wasn't even sure initially if they played around. But I reassured him that I just meant meeting up every or ever other week for sex.
"Don't worry," I told him, "I won't make you put a label on this."
We're somewhere in the uncertain territory between fuckbuddies and FWBs. As I said, our first meeting was social. Since my attempts to add a social dimension to our trysts by having dinner together have failed (I've teased him about being a robot since he's never consumed more than a mouthful of food in front of me) I tried a different tack and invited him along to the Full Moon Fire Jam on Monday.
I was hoping his boyfriend would come, too, so I could get a better read on their relationship and because it would make Mozhu less of a third wheel, but he didn't. (Last night I learned that he's a flight attendant, which helps explain why Postillero has so many free evenings.) He was warm and agreeable but not especially flirty or cuddly, which was fine but a bit puzzling given how steamy our texts tend to be. Despite a moon that stayed well-hidden and an uncompromising onslaught of mosquitoes, he talked up the time he had to me later.
Honestly, he's so mellow and accommodating that it activates my insecurities. It's hard for me to tell what he really wants to do and what he goes along with just to please me--on the sheets and off. In the midst of his dogged attempts to bring me off, he finally cried out, "You're inhuman!" (When I brought it up later he claimed to be complimenting my endurance. "Nice save!" I shot back.) So if I didn't already have a complex about how long it takes me to finish, it's there now.
In any case, his reaction to my suggestion confirms the wisdom of not going with one of my other gambits, which was, "Do you think you might be polyamorous?" Because he's really down with making love as opposed to just getting off together. However he might have taken it as "We should have a relationship!" which isn't where I'm at and that could have spoiled everything.
(The third possible gambit was "We need to talk about health and safety." Which of course should have been hashed out earlier, but I'm still terrible about initiating these sorts of conversations. Maybe it will be easier via text? Or at some encountre that wasn't built around getting damp and sweaty?)
His face turned worried and I thought I'd stepped in it again. "You know about S., right?"
I almost laughed. After all, I met him and his boyfriend as a couple and wasn't even sure initially if they played around. But I reassured him that I just meant meeting up every or ever other week for sex.
"Don't worry," I told him, "I won't make you put a label on this."
We're somewhere in the uncertain territory between fuckbuddies and FWBs. As I said, our first meeting was social. Since my attempts to add a social dimension to our trysts by having dinner together have failed (I've teased him about being a robot since he's never consumed more than a mouthful of food in front of me) I tried a different tack and invited him along to the Full Moon Fire Jam on Monday.
I was hoping his boyfriend would come, too, so I could get a better read on their relationship and because it would make Mozhu less of a third wheel, but he didn't. (Last night I learned that he's a flight attendant, which helps explain why Postillero has so many free evenings.) He was warm and agreeable but not especially flirty or cuddly, which was fine but a bit puzzling given how steamy our texts tend to be. Despite a moon that stayed well-hidden and an uncompromising onslaught of mosquitoes, he talked up the time he had to me later.
Honestly, he's so mellow and accommodating that it activates my insecurities. It's hard for me to tell what he really wants to do and what he goes along with just to please me--on the sheets and off. In the midst of his dogged attempts to bring me off, he finally cried out, "You're inhuman!" (When I brought it up later he claimed to be complimenting my endurance. "Nice save!" I shot back.) So if I didn't already have a complex about how long it takes me to finish, it's there now.
In any case, his reaction to my suggestion confirms the wisdom of not going with one of my other gambits, which was, "Do you think you might be polyamorous?" Because he's really down with making love as opposed to just getting off together. However he might have taken it as "We should have a relationship!" which isn't where I'm at and that could have spoiled everything.
(The third possible gambit was "We need to talk about health and safety." Which of course should have been hashed out earlier, but I'm still terrible about initiating these sorts of conversations. Maybe it will be easier via text? Or at some encountre that wasn't built around getting damp and sweaty?)
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