Retreating

Got together with Postillero last night and it didn't go as well as the first time. It wasn't just a matter of not recapturing that first-time energy; we also tried some different stuff and I don't think he was really into it but he's so eager too please he wouldn't say so and I didn't want to embarrass him by asking. Not a big deal; that's part of learning a new person, but it was an uneasy contrast to how in synch we felt last week.

He also seemed more anxious to leave this time (despite telling me up front that he didn't have work in the morning) and didn't mention anything about getting together again. Which, again, doesn't necessarily mean anything but it was all food for me to obsess over when I lay awake unable to get back to sleep at four a.m. And now our texts today feel distant but it's hard to tell how much of that is just me projecting my unsettled emotional state into them. I know he doesn't like to "label things" but I was hoping that we'd talk at least a little about what exactly we're up to. Like is this going to be a regular thing and, if so, can we work out the scheduling so that I can at least get a proper meal in? I'm also hella curious on what his domestic arrangements are but I'm not going to pressure him on that.

Bleagh. When I woke up, I thought I was just badly slept but now I'm thinking I'm actually coming down with something, which I guess is what happens when you make kissy-face with near-strangers, even if you do gargle like mad the first chance you get afterwards. So now all my plans for the weekend are in the air, starting with this evening's gaming session. I'm loath to cancel, but I've already backed out of GMing the next adventure and I feel bad enough about that.