I'm back to being mildly depressed again. Or perhaps I never left and it only seemed that way. What led me to the conclusion was watching a (frankly disappointing) clip of Scott Thompson on YouTube and listening to him describing "the kind of depression where, when a light bulb burns out, you don't change it, you just abandon the room". I glanced up the hall at the burned out light and the rooms I don't go into any more and thought, "Hmm."
It's most noticeable to me at work. I don't seem to be able to get anything done. No one else there seems to have noticed--or maybe they're still kidgloving me after all this time? So hard to tell with such an avoidance-based office culture. But the geniuses in administration have managed to land us in a budget crisis worse than the one we weathered during the last recession. We're losing folks and not replacing them, so sooner or later it will become conspicuous that I'm not hauling my weight. Hopefully the shame of it will motivate me.
At home I'm still struggling to make sure the most basic chores get done. I almost cried while cleaning up for the last cocktail party. At this rate, the idea of putting the house on the market is becoming a distant dream, which is frustrating because I'm increasingly unhappy with how the condo is being run. I didn't expect it to be this painful to see the landscaping I've put so much sweat equity into destroyed by people who honestly don't seem to even like plants. They can (and will) do whatever they after I'm gone, but to see it happen in front of me is excruciating.
At least I'm getting out more than last year. It's been quite a while since I had a weekend where I didn't leave the house. Last weekend was extra social, what with a going-away party for my best friend at work (which is another blow to my motivation) and a trip to the Art Institute with Nuphy,![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bunj, and Mozhu. Oh, and lunch with another friend which culminated in a stroll along the beach where there were high winds, shore-swamping waves, and almost no beach bunnies. Why can't we have more days like that?
It's most noticeable to me at work. I don't seem to be able to get anything done. No one else there seems to have noticed--or maybe they're still kidgloving me after all this time? So hard to tell with such an avoidance-based office culture. But the geniuses in administration have managed to land us in a budget crisis worse than the one we weathered during the last recession. We're losing folks and not replacing them, so sooner or later it will become conspicuous that I'm not hauling my weight. Hopefully the shame of it will motivate me.
At home I'm still struggling to make sure the most basic chores get done. I almost cried while cleaning up for the last cocktail party. At this rate, the idea of putting the house on the market is becoming a distant dream, which is frustrating because I'm increasingly unhappy with how the condo is being run. I didn't expect it to be this painful to see the landscaping I've put so much sweat equity into destroyed by people who honestly don't seem to even like plants. They can (and will) do whatever they after I'm gone, but to see it happen in front of me is excruciating.
At least I'm getting out more than last year. It's been quite a while since I had a weekend where I didn't leave the house. Last weekend was extra social, what with a going-away party for my best friend at work (which is another blow to my motivation) and a trip to the Art Institute with Nuphy,
bunj, and Mozhu. Oh, and lunch with another friend which culminated in a stroll along the beach where there were high winds, shore-swamping waves, and almost no beach bunnies. Why can't we have more days like that?Tags: