Mixed

One of the worst things about discussing monshu's care with those around me is the tremendous amount of experiential knowledge many of them are lacking. This is not their fault; I've been through a similar situation before with my ex and even so I was very naïve about all sorts of aspects of a long hospitalisation. Some things you can try to explain, but that takes time and energy you don't always have.

All of this most commonly manifests when I talk about bringing him home. Understandably, the usual response is, "Yay! You must be thrilled." What they don't understand is that just because insurance will no longer pay for someone to be institutionalised doesn't mean they're able to care for themselves and that the excitement you feel at finally having someone where they really want to be is tempered by the massive increase in your own responsibilities. For months now, I've only been expected to manage his care. Now I (along with my mother) will have added to that responsibility for providing that care. Feeding, cleaning, laundry--none of this will be taken care of by something else (unless we're willing to pay out of pocket for that). The days of being able to go into work with a clean conscience and retreat to a quiet cave at home are gone--and might never return.

So my own feelings are decidedly mixed, and it's hard to express that without coming across as selfish or ungrateful. Other caretakers understand, but not everyone in this world is a parent or has had to provide care for a relative or friend. The ones who have are immediately simpático; sometimes I wish I could talk just to them and leave everyone else out of the loop.