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I couldn't believe how happy I was to be back at work yesterday. I was braced to have to regurgitate the same basic explanation of how I've spent the last couple weeks to everyone and while there was some of that, there was also a lot of chatting and joking and such. People were genuinely thrilled to see me and I was equally excited to be someplace where I felt accepted and assured.
I'm finally ready to say we've moved out of crisis mode and into the realm of routine. As I told Mom, Wednesday morning was the first time since Friday I was asked to do something I didn't feel like doing. Up till then, my feelings didn't matter; what had to be done had to be done and there was no one else to do it but me. I really feel like I have insight what it's like to be a parent now. To quote myself, "'Can't' has an entirely new meaning when the alternatives are 'me or nobody'."
Overall, I'm pretty pleased with the job I've done, but I still really regret losing my cool the three or four times that I did. I must've asked the driver who finally delivered a correct, working setup a dozen times to apologise to someone at the head office for me for yelling at her for referring to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
monshu as "she". It was the back-breaking straw at the end of one of the most stressful two hours of my life. He understood that and didn't fault me for it, but I know in my heart I could've done better.
Tuesday morning, when I thought that the stress of my confrontation with Witch Hands had caused him to flunk his voiding trial, I told the Old Man that I felt I had let him down. It is all too easy to get caught up in a clash of egos and forget that the foremost goal is to ensure that he is safe, comfortable, and has everything he needs for a full and successful recovery. Now that I'm following up with the hospital to see what they can do to prevent future screwups like the ones we endured, I have to keep that goal in mind: I'm not trying to settle scores with anyone, I'm trying to make sure that if we end up there again, it will be a more positive experience in every aspect.
I'm finally ready to say we've moved out of crisis mode and into the realm of routine. As I told Mom, Wednesday morning was the first time since Friday I was asked to do something I didn't feel like doing. Up till then, my feelings didn't matter; what had to be done had to be done and there was no one else to do it but me. I really feel like I have insight what it's like to be a parent now. To quote myself, "'Can't' has an entirely new meaning when the alternatives are 'me or nobody'."
Overall, I'm pretty pleased with the job I've done, but I still really regret losing my cool the three or four times that I did. I must've asked the driver who finally delivered a correct, working setup a dozen times to apologise to someone at the head office for me for yelling at her for referring to
monshu as "she". It was the back-breaking straw at the end of one of the most stressful two hours of my life. He understood that and didn't fault me for it, but I know in my heart I could've done better.Tuesday morning, when I thought that the stress of my confrontation with Witch Hands had caused him to flunk his voiding trial, I told the Old Man that I felt I had let him down. It is all too easy to get caught up in a clash of egos and forget that the foremost goal is to ensure that he is safe, comfortable, and has everything he needs for a full and successful recovery. Now that I'm following up with the hospital to see what they can do to prevent future screwups like the ones we endured, I have to keep that goal in mind: I'm not trying to settle scores with anyone, I'm trying to make sure that if we end up there again, it will be a more positive experience in every aspect.
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