It's all small stuff

Sunday I met someone who liked my boyfriend. A lot. He couldn't stop telling me how lucky I was to have landed him. I'm like, "DUH!" And since I didn't want to spend all day on it, I gave him just a rough sketch of how difficult and involved that was. He was a nice enough guy, even if he did spill beer on me. Twice. Okay, I thought he was darling. I would probably even think so sober.

"Please don't tell me that you two don't fight!" he pleaded. Sure, we fight. Like maybe once every year or two. He was amazed, but I told him that it's not hard if you simply don't sweat the small stuff. Are the big things working out? Are you both having your emotional and material needs met? Then who really cares who took the garbage out last?

Sure, monshu could make an issue of how I leave dishes sitting around for a day or two when it's my job to wash them. And I could upbraid him for loading the dishwasher so that I always end up having to rewash some of the utensils. But where would that get us? We're not going to split up over something as minor as the washing up, so what's the point of getting into a fight over it?

I don't know how much of this is a maturity thing (this guy was ten years younger than me) and how much is cultural (he's Mexican). I know for some people, fighting is a way of showing how much you care. "I'm just trying to look out for us!" is something this guy has hurled at his lover. (Apparently a lot of their fights are on account of their roommates.) But fighting tore apart my family home so I see it as something to be avoided--not at all costs, but something loving intelligent people should be able to find an alternative to.