Jul. 23rd, 2010 09:42 am
A whole lotta holes
As sad as it was to pronounce an end to the friendship between me and Owlet, I did appreciate the cleanness and cordiality of the break. The months before had been plagued with a great deal of uncertainty as to where we stood with each other, and it was good to have that over. Obviously an honest reaffirmation would've been the best outcome, but I'd rather dissolution than the disillusionment of another false one. In retrospect, I've come to respect how very rare that is. Pretty much all my other former friendship have died deaths of silent desperation. It can be years before you realise, no, he isn't going to appear on your doorstep for the two of you to pick things up exactly where you left them.
Take the situation with Rubeus. The last I saw of him was nearly two years ago when he and ottr4bear came to visit our new place. For reasons too embarrassing to relate, that visit didn't go well. But I didn't sweat it because I figured it the first of many. Wrong. I didn't hear from him again until last December, and then only because Nuphy patched him in on a three-way call so we could plan a joint visit to the Christkindlmarket. Nuphy showed up; Rubeus bailed. On the phone, the old bear had carried on as if nothing had happened, but that's Rubeus: short surprising bursts of honesty punctuating long stretches of denial. Would've been a good time for a burst. Especially since, months later, I heard through the bearvine that they'd hosted a holiday party at their place. Not the classiest way to let someone know you're through, but pretty unambiguous.
Why am I dredging all this up? It seems I've been doing a lot of manoeuvre X lately, and not many people have been making positive decisions to cross the space. How much of that do I allow to happen before I take a hard look at what I'm doing to drive people away? Nah, still too proud to take that step just yet.
Take the situation with Rubeus. The last I saw of him was nearly two years ago when he and ottr4bear came to visit our new place. For reasons too embarrassing to relate, that visit didn't go well. But I didn't sweat it because I figured it the first of many. Wrong. I didn't hear from him again until last December, and then only because Nuphy patched him in on a three-way call so we could plan a joint visit to the Christkindlmarket. Nuphy showed up; Rubeus bailed. On the phone, the old bear had carried on as if nothing had happened, but that's Rubeus: short surprising bursts of honesty punctuating long stretches of denial. Would've been a good time for a burst. Especially since, months later, I heard through the bearvine that they'd hosted a holiday party at their place. Not the classiest way to let someone know you're through, but pretty unambiguous.
Why am I dredging all this up? It seems I've been doing a lot of manoeuvre X lately, and not many people have been making positive decisions to cross the space. How much of that do I allow to happen before I take a hard look at what I'm doing to drive people away? Nah, still too proud to take that step just yet.
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