Giddy as a schoolgirl

I stumbled into work this morning ten minutes late and damp from the rain, but I DON'T CARE! The supercute long-bearded bear at my el stop parted his ruby-red lips and actually spoke to me! I've been stalworshipping him from afar for over a year now, but he has an earlier schedule than me, so I haven't seen him since I settled into a summer slump of just-in-time arrivals.

Today the southbound trains were horribly backed up, so there he was, waiting just beyond where I normally board. Do you believe I even had a chat-up line selected for just such a fabulous opportunity? Do you think I used it? No: I was hopelessly tongue-tied, so I just stood gawping (discreetly, mind you!) as he paced a square mere feet in front of me, allowing me to ogle him from all angles.

I know he knows I do this, but I still haven't figured out how he feels about it; that's what holds me back. But today, everything changed! As my train neared, there was an announcement about the southbound delays which brought a wry smile to his lips. He caught my eye and shook his head. As I moved toward the door, I said, "You weren't in a hurry anyway, were you?" He smiled wider and said, "Nope!"

It was like being stabbed in the gut by a pink Nerf arrow from Hello Kitty's quiver. Heart-shaped butterflies!

I think I may finally have pieced together his itinerary: He boards at Jarvis, gets out at North Chinatown to pick up some bakery goods (which were conspicuously in his hand this morning), and then reboards at my stop. Don't worry: I promise to use this hard-won intelligence only for the greater happiness of all mankind!

Der leckers yángbiān

monshu is always lovable, but probably never more readily so than when he's in the embrace of a new mania. In preparation for this fall's trip, he's reading all he can from about China--from Jonathan Spence's essays to newspaper articles to blog entries from unknown expats--and incorporating the most useful data into a single document with links, maps, and Chinese text to take with us when the time comes.

(Incidentally, finding accurate maps of where we're going has been no easy task. With so much urban renewal underway in Beijing in anticipation of the Olympics, even Chinese maps are obsolete the moment they're published. But I'm hoping that my newest discovery, 搜狗地圖 Sōgǒu Dìtú, is a Chinese answer to Google Maps in more ways than just the feel of the branding.)

Somewhere, between the articles on 羊肉泡饃 yángròu pàomò and cardboard-stuffed dumplings and blog entries on Beijing street food, he turned up the account of a troupe of tourists who inadvertently found themselves eating sheep penis. How does that happen? you might ask. According to his retelling, they had actually asked for bean sprouts, but something got lost in translation; I'm still trying to figure out what.

Strangely, none of my culinary resources mention sheep penis, but James Wang's Outrageous Chinese devotes a whole section to ox penis dishes and how to properly order them. The term Wang uses is 牛鞭 niúbiān, literally "ox whip". (Oh, those Chinese and their flowery euphemisms!) Based on that, I'd assume "sheep penis" is 羊鞭 yángbiān, and I'm stuck for any words for "bean sprouts" that sound anything like this. (豆芽 dòuyá is the term I most commonly see.)

Now I know many of you are thinking, Hey, I'd like to get in on some sheep penis action, but I'm not going to China anytime soon! Why not try a sheep penis recipe from one of our pasty Northern European ancestors? This lovely site has some venerable preparations you won't be seeing on the trenchers at Medieval Times any day soon. Between those incorporating ermine on the one hand and titmouse bones on the other, you'll find this:

.xxiii. Der leckers scapin roede dwaetse wel ende keertse ende dan nemt sof fraen ghewreuen die doderen van .x. eyeren ende enen lepel melken tem pert metten vetten ende vaerst die roede Ende wacht dat niet te vul en sy ende doetse zieden in eenen wal ende dan braedse ende pouderse met poudere van ghingebare ende Caneele ende een lettel pepers.

Sheep's penis for the foodie. Wash it well and clean it and then take brayed saffron, the yolks of ten eggs and a spoonfull of milk. Temper with fat and stuff the penis, but take care that it is not overstuffed and blanch it and then roast it and sprinkle with powder of ginger, cinnamon and a little pepper.

Mmm, savoury!