ORD vs. LAX

I think I could design a more poorly laid-out airport than LAX, but it would take some effort. Whose genius idea was it to make the automatic doors on the baggage claim level exit-only so that if you step out for any reason (say, to have a cigarette at virtually the only designated smoking areas in the entire airport), you have to wait until someone leaves to get back in?

Speaking of the baggage claim, WTF? I mean, really, WTFF? By the time we reached the baggage claim at ORD (probably within 10 minutes of landing), the belt was already running. Within a minute or two, I had both my bag and monshu's in hand. At LAX, it took a full hour to achieve this. By the time the belt started up, it was surrounded with passengers and the bags came out in dribs and drabs. What are they doing? Giving all the confiscated narcotics to the baggage handlers for use on breaks?

Also, I need t-shirt that says "JUST BECAUSE I HAVE LONG HAIR IT DOESN'T MEAN I'M SOME SORT OF HIPPIE FREAK". During the aforementioned hour, I had not one, but three visits from Hare Krishnas attempting to gift me with copies of the Bhavagadgita. Only two individuals were in involved, however, since the same dildohead visited me twice like forty minutes apart. The second time, I felt justified in leaving all politeness behind. "Yes, I plan to read the Bhavagadgita some day, but not that translation."