Exeunt omnes, pursuing bear: A banal story of missed opportunities in three short scenes

Dramatis Personae
D--A handsome, suave, and charming paraprofessional in his mid-30's. Polo and khakis.
W--An elderly and annoying co-worker nearing retirement. Polyester shirt and slacks.
B--A gorgeous early-middle-aged bear IT professional. Red t-shirt, jeans held up by suspenders.
Extras (commuters, CTA employees, etc.)


Setting: Interior of an el train car and two el platforms. Early morning.

( Lack of action! )

Nobody home but us rubes

"We're committed to design the first of the next generation of sports arenas. A building by Frank Gehry will put Kansas City on the world map." (David Murphy, architect)

So it's official: Kansas Citizens are trying to land Gehry for the the design of their new sports arena. The story immediately reminded me of an old column by James Lileks (which I am now, of course, utterly unable to locate) where he talks about the aspirations of cities aching to be considered "world-class" and concludes that there's nothing quite so rubish as believing that building a new sports arena will make you world-class.

Nowadays, even the rubes are more sophisticated. Some of them have figured out that the stadium-building method has inexplicably failed to put Tempe and East Rutherford on the world map and they need to look harder for a sure solution to obscurity and permanent second-rate status. And they've found it in the example of plucky little Bilbao. Seven centuries of prosperity and nobody noticed the metropolis of the Basque Country until the arrival of the Guggenheim. So that's the secret: You need a Gehry!

I can't mock too much if only for the reason that my own place of residence--whose starring role in the development of modern architecture was assured before Mr Gehry was even pooping diapers--has fallen victim to this new consensus among better-heeled rubes everywhere. Now, the following story is at best third-hand, but I'm repeating it because it rings so true that even if it isn't, it still is: Apparently, Gehry's original design for the new bandshell was less flamboyant, a respectful homage to Frank Lloyd Wright. Da Mare rejected this, saying "I'm paying for a Gehry so I want a Gehry!", and held out for something with his trademark scrolls of curvy steel.

Nevertheless, Kansas City deserve some kind of special distinction for being the first to synthesise the two delusions. It's worthless to try to tell them that, if they do one day attain the status of "world-class city", it won't be because they invited some outsider to wrap up their sports stadium with a corrugated steel bow. I just hope that St. Louis doesn't feel like it needs to follow suit. After all, it's not like KC concluded they had no choice but to pay some Finnish guy millions of dollars to provide them with a gigantor steel pair of longhorn cattle horns.